Hollywood vrs Bollywood

 
The purists don’t like Bollywood being called Bollywood. And there are some big names out there, the machos who would won’t mind changing the geography of your face for calling Bollywood Bollywood. In any case, l decided to take the risk of using Bollywood for couple of reasons – it rhymes with Hollywood and the topic sounds natural... and hey, do you know the real name of Bollywood (don’t give me “Hindi movie industry” or “Mumbai movie industry”... they sound so uncool and unnatural...)

Anyway, the main topic of discussion is comparison of Hollywood and Bollywood (er!)...

“East is East; West is West and never the twain shall meet” – This is what Nobel laureate Joseph Rudyard Kipling said in his poem ‘The Ballad of East and West’... And this was “oh so true” for when you consider the movies – the storyline, cinematography, direction, acting, special effects... Hollywood was a winner hands down... our only forte was music – music being at the very core of Bollywood...

That was till recently... The more number of movies I watch and the more I think about it, the more they seem to be converging... in fact the lines are getting blurred more and more... there are a score of movies where if you mask the faces, cut out the sound (well, include subtitles) and, of course, take the songs out, you wont be able to figure out the origin of the movie... and I am not talking about the “scene-by-scene copy” kind of movies only...

The extend of convergence is amazing...

The special effects in Hollywood are getting better and so are they in Bollywood – the only constraint seems to be the money – while Bollywood producers are also splurging money on special effects, we still are a poor country...

Consider the movie Krrish... special effects are as good as it gets...

And consider Paa (while it’s not about special effects and is more about make-up)... except for the eyes and the unique shoulders and that too if you watch carefully, you cant figure out that Auro is played by Amitabh... not even the unmistakable voice of the great actor...

The Hollywood story lines are getting more Bollywoodish...

And I believe this is the biggest let down... gone are the days when Bond was a womanizer... he is a one woman man now and ready to die for his love of the life (what was the recent Bond movie?)...

Have you watched 2012? Great special effect but the story... the world is coming to an end but the “good black guy” (this is what I call reverse stereotyping) makes a passionate speech about the values Americans stand for and hence why it’s important to save a particular family at the risk of killing the last surviving set of people... how stupid and how Bollywoodish!

Watched Avatar yesterday... amazing special effects, out of the world... but again bulk of the storyline is around “haves vrs have nots” that was so typical of Bollywood some 20 years back... rich vrs poor and urban vrs rural... more or less... And the romance between the hero and heroin... they get cosy and express their love for each other, well, under a tree... I almost thought they would break into a song and dance around the pious tree but they settled for the old fashioned sex instead... thanks goodness for small mercies!

The only marked difference that remains is songs... Or is it? Do you consider Slumdog a Hollywood movie or a Bollywood movie? I have already heard rumours of Brangelina dancing around the trees on a song put together by Rehman!

I would honestly like Hollywood to go back to their old storylines as far as action and thrillers are considered... please keep the emotions out... keep the romance out... give me pure action and violence... give me my Rambo back... For the emotions and all, I still have my DDLJs and my KKKGs!

Tanya's dance

Gandhiji's German Connection

It all happened when I was roaming around in the Inorbit mall in Vashi sometime in September… I am not really a fanatic shopper though I do like shopping for myself once in a while… The reason I went all the way to Vashi from Pune – a distance of over 100 kms – was because I had heard a lot about this mall… In fact my sister-in-law Pallu (who is a “reluctant compulsive shopper”) told me that it’s like a “Dubai mall” (If you have seen some of those malls in Dubai, you would know what I mean)… I had to go and check it out for myself!

I am sure you are already wondering about the connection between a mall and Gandhiji… Germany and Gandhiji... please have patience…

I know you are also thinking… isn’t it a bit late considering Gandhiji’s birthday was around 15 days back and this is more appropriate a time to write about Diwali… True. Agree. The reality is that this posting would have come out irrespective of the timing… after all, Gandhi is a man of “all times”…

The India today is definitely not the India as thought of by Gandhiji. There are too many stinking rich people around… Too many for the comfort for Mr. Gandhi, I would say, especially considering the fact that way too many poor remain… There are too many other things but I will not get into the details (and make this a serious blog, which is not the intention) but I am sure Gandhiji must have turned, rolled and spun in his grave (in a proverbial sense!) over last 60 years since his death… But this one must have woken him up…

Coming back to the “roaming around in the mall”, I noticed Gandhiji’s portrait in the window of a Mont Blanc outlet. It aroused my curiosity. While Mont Blanc is a status symbol, article of show-off, luxury, for the rich people of the world, Mr Gandhi is a symbol of austerity, stands for the poor and naked of this world. They are poles apart. What on earth Gandhiji’s portrait doing at a Mont Blanc showroom? (Btw, Mont Blanc ha German roots)

I walked closer. It was a well “decorated” window with Gandhiji’s portrait, some charkhas, trademark round glasses and so on… in the center was a white-cream pen… and there was a small plaque. I read the plaque and lost my consciousness. Some passer-bys revived me (don’t remember if they sprinkled water or slapped). I read the plaque again. It essentially said that there are two types of limited edition pens. For one type they would donate Rs 10,000 for charity for each pen bought. For the second type they would donate Rs 50,000 per pen!!

What’s the price of each pen? I did not have the heart to ask. I checked over the internet later. It seems the price is some Rs 11 Lakhs (for one pen, in case you are wondering!) and Tushar Gandhi (great grandson) helped launch and supports the initiative. Well!

I have done and seen many senseless things in my life but this one takes the cake… While I was driving back, I saw Gandhiji walking dazed somewhere out there... I dont think it was due to “chemical locha” in my mind... Thanks to Mont Blanc, Gandhiji walked out of his grave!

Down with wine flu

Swine flu scare is not really at it’s peak in Pune though people are still dying. May be people have given up on cumbersome precautions and have taken it as a fact of the life. The restaurants, movie theaters and malls are back to “business as usual”… Hardly anyone is wearing a mask. Considering the number of cases still being reported, I guess the virus is as potent as before…

Anyways… I had a real terrible cold for last 3-4 days… it wasn’t really flu but the usual cold that I get once in a while… I had a runny nose, mild headache, watery eyes and mild fever. On the third day, it was almost unbearable and I went to the GP. He checked me thoroughly and wrote down couple of medicines. I asked him, half jokingly, if I need to worry about the H1N1. He as if suddenly remembered something and immediately wrote down – “H1N1 screening”… I tried arguing that my symptoms weren’t really of the swine flu. He pulled out a notice from Pune municipal corporation which states that if an H1N1 case is diagnosed and the patient had already seen a doctor with flu like symptoms and if the doctor had failed to send the patient for screening, the doctor would implicated under IPC 319 ("IPC 319 - Hurt - Whoever causes bodily pain, disease or infirmity to any person is said to cause hurt"). He almost pleaded with me that I should go for the screening else he could be in trouble. I realized that the screening was for him, not for me :)

For my dear doctor's well being, I went to Dinanath Mangeshkar hospital. Luckily the crowd was sparse. Since we were at the “fever OPD”, my wife had covered her mouth. I, like a hero, did not cover myself. We were called in soon and the nurse asked if my wife was the patient!!
The doctor checked me thoroughly and sent me back home. She said I didn’t need swine flu test… I did not even need flu medicine, forget Tamiflu or equivalent… she gave me a course of anti-allergic tabs. One tablet and I was back on my feet.

So much for the swine flu! I think it was regular "wine flu" that I picked up over the long weekend. Too much of ice cold diet coke I guess and of course, some eh, ahem…
Also realized that I have an allergic condition (took anti-allergic tab for the first time in my life), thanks to swine flu era!

Where was I?

It happened! This is what I was afraid of. Before I could apply for the leave, I got the automated message saying I was “almost absconding”. It did not matter that I had taken permission from my boss, it did not matter that I had informed all my colleagues, it did not matter that I was checking most of my mail every day, it did not matter that I was on calls almost every day of my leave. Damn computers! They aren’t smart enough yet. Not yet in the self learning mode. They just executed the policy!
(Btw, it’s all about how you put together and analyze all the available data to draw conclusions. For example, two of the 9/11 suicide “bombers” had their names in the terrorist watch list, were staying in the US under their own names, had their phone numbers listed and had bought the 9/11 tickets on their own names. All the data was available… just that no-one including NSA could put it all together… not in time at least. The future lies in collecting and making sense of data from varied sources. Not only in case of terrorism but also in case of retail (sounds familiar?) and jobs. It’s all about maths. The future lies in maths. A recommended read on this topic is “The Numerati” by Stephen Baker. The first 2 chapters are a must read. A copy is available in my library.)

Coming back to the main topic, it was very uncharacteristic of me to go on an unplanned/unscheduled leave of a week. Not that I never take unplanned leave but never for a week. In my case, any leave more than a day or two is planned at least 3 months in advance due to real life constraints. So this sudden leave took everyone by surprise. I conveniently ducked the question of “where I was” by saying somewhere in India – which was very true. This got the tongues wagging.
A colleague of mine told me that I or rather my leave had become a topic of discussion at lunch table – how flattering! Another one guessed that I was enjoying the nice weather of Nagpur (I had originally gone to Nagpur for the long weekend – Apr 30, May 1-3 – and had extended the leave) – how lame is that? Nagpur is the hottest city in the country with temperatures going up to 48-degrees. That’s HOT - trust me.
Another guy guessed that I was in Bangalore and a good friend of mine said I was in Pune. How stupid is that! Why would I stay in one of these 2 cities and take leave? Why sleep at home when I can do so in an AC office :)
The best one was – I was in some Ashram in Haridwar. Well, I am not as old as I look and I am not there yet – to be going to an Ashram for 5 days.

Btw, by now, I wonder why people have been so curious about my whereabouts. Why can't i go missing for 5 days?

Now, the Sherlock Holmes of worlds, here are some clues for you to figure out where I was –
1. I was somewhere in India – already mentioned
2. Already mentioned some of the places where I wasn’t
3. On my trip I visited one of the ancient universities (The clue!)
4. On my way back to the Pune, the last flight took 50 minutes
5. I was back on a Friday (i.e. in Pune ver the weekend)

Those who already know where I was, please, please, don’t spill the beans and spoil the fun. Others, all the best! Let’s see if you have it in you!!

Time to get serious?

One fine(?) day(!), just a few days or rather nights ago, I got up in the middle of the night and laid awake for some 2 hours. Sleeplessness is not really a problem I have… instead, the contrary is true. I need my 8 hours of beauty sleep. I can sleep at any time of the day or night. This, some say, is a good thing because as the age progresses one needs less and less of the sleep. May be that means I am not getting old with age!

Anyways, coming back to the sleepless night… I was awake of some 2 hours… may be it was the chicken last night which decided to give it a fight! Too little, too late, I guess… 2 hours of heavy encounter between the digestive juices and the chicken who refused to chicken out decided the ultimate winner… hope you can guess the winner!

Coming back to the sleepless 2 hours – the funny thing about being awake in the night is that one can’t do much – you have this hope all the time that you will fall asleep soon, you can’t make noise lest you wake others up and you can’t switch on the lights to read a book for the same reason… so you just lie there and think…
I believe this is the most divine form of thinking… more divine than the one you do in the toilet because toilet thinking is now polluted by newspaper/BB reading and you also need to focus on you know what!!
So I laid there… thinking…

I almost invented a machine… a gift wrapping machine… The most painful part of shopping, apart from the long queues to pay, is the longer queue to get the stuff gift wrapped… it feels more painful as it comes right after the queue of paying and the wrapping activity seems sooo slow… I realized that there isn’t anything powerful, commercially viable enough in the market yet… at least I haven’t seen any retailer using one… I almost designed the whole thing in my mind – including a special type of paper required for such a machine…
I looked this up on Google later and realized that there is indeed such a need in the market! The sorry part was that the idea has already been thought about... on exactly the same line... Check out the link - http://www.whynot.net/ideas/2732. The good part is that I don’t think there is a commercial avatar in the market yet… And one thought everything possible has already been invented!!
There is an engineer in the US who did a whole project around this. And if you think this a lame idea, don’t worry, you have got supporters. Check the same link.

Done with designing the gift wrapping machine, I started thinking further… about this blog… realized that if one types my name in Google (www.google.com), my blog comes up as the first link… realized that its not necessarily the best thing… especially for a professional like me… especially in the times like these… and thus came the idea of starting a serious blog… a blog on views on the Indian industry – in a very serious way…

Have already implemented this idea. check it out at http://bhaskarwaruday.blogspot.com/
Someone has already commented that I have too much of time on hand… well, that’s not a good thing again… especially in time like these :)

Bye for now…

Moviemania - Part II

Okay folks, this is going to be a short one…

I recently watched this movie called Dasvidaniya on my “home theater”… my home theater essentially comprises of a flat screen LCD TV and a LG dvd player (LG = Life’s Good or Low Grade?!)… the movie is essentially a touching one and worth watching (be in the movie hall or on home theater – you decide)… first I wondered why the movie is named what it is named…
The hero is Vinay Pathak, yes our own Vinay Pathak… I realized that he is the co-producer of the movie… who else would make him the hero of a movie but for himself?... Sorry Vinay, nothing against you and your talent but you and a hero, nah!

Anyways, the gist of the story is that the hero comes up with a list of 10 things(and hence the name Dasvidaniya, I realized!) he wants to do before dying of cancer… and achieves all of it…
This part is really inspiring… dying or not dying, one must have a to-do list for life… I know a friend of mine Maku who has a list of 25 things… yup, it could be a little annoying when he insists playing tabla (one of his list of 25) for you in the middle of the night when the only thing you want to do is hit the bed… I wonder if annoying his friends is on his list… may be he is trying to do "ek teer, do shikar" like the hero of Dasvidaniya who does “foreign” and “love” at one shot (both on his list)…
I decided to work on my own list and realized that 10 is too small a number… without creating a formal to-do list, I already have more than 10 things to do (including a trip to Switzerland and one that I am already trying to do – sorry, no public announcements yet!)… may be my list would be "Beesvidaniya"! HE HE HE!

Till we meet next time, take care...

Moviemania (or to be precise, "Movie mania")

The moment I started writing this posting, I noticed the red wiggly under the word moviemania. It’s a surprise that “moviemania” does not exist in the dictionary as a single word – well, at least not in the MS-Word dictionary. Anyways, I love watching movies and my style of watching movies is not about getting a CD at home and watching it on “home theatre”… for one, I don’t have a home theatre… I used to have a kinda one – a Sony system bought from Malaysia some 10 years back which I retired couple of months back (it’s still taking some shelf space so if you are an antique collector, be my guest!). In any case, I don’t want to have a home theatre (in case this posting is read by an enterprising salesperson, pls don’t bother) because watching movie at home is as good as kissing your beau over phone. Good but not good enough (more often than not, kiss over the phone is a majboori). Movies should be watched in style… it should be an event… you must spend good 4 hours on this activity and you must watch it in a real theatre…

I am fortunate to have friends who share this passion and we end up watching a movie almost every weekend… you can spot me, Priti (my wife), Munje (oops, sorry – Munjay) and Dolly (Munje’s wife) at E-square almost every Saturday/Sunday (in case you are planning to kidnap me for a ransom, the movie theatre plan will not work because we are shrewd and wise enough to go for a different timing everytime… an easier plan might be on my way or back from the office... or may be not!... in any case, kidnapping me may not be such a good idea – try an easier pick like Laloo… if not anything, you will get some chara (fodder) or alkatra (tar) as ransom)

Coming back to the topic of movies, the real issue with watching movie in a theatre is that it really hurts when the movie is a cropper… The year 2008 started very well with lots of good movies… but last few months have been really bad (including Rab Ne..., Singh is King (sorry Harsh) and Ghajini)… I think “A Wednesday” was the last good movie that I saw in the theatre… a movie like “Welcome to Sajjanpur” is good enough to watch at home (without a home theatre, mind it and no CD please, let it get released on UTV movies) but not in a theatre… a movie has to be really good if watched in the theatre (or hall)… I was fortunate enough not to watch Rab Ne… Munje SMSed me from the movie hall that he was choking to death and I must send an ambulance along with paramedics for his rescue… That was good enough a hint for me not to watch the movie…

Tlatest that I watched was “Delhi 6”… I did not know much about the movie (in fact, the only thing that I try to figure out about a movie is if it’s “good” or “bad” – once you get more details like story etc, its no fun watching the movie)… just knew that it had Rahman’s music and the song “Masak ali” is pretty catchy… I had seen some promos and realized that it was based in Delhi (yup, the name also suggests so!). Anyways the movie was a real sixer… a real mind boggler… I wonder what the director was trying to show… and why the movie is called what it’s called… Someone told me that it’ because the place shown (Chandni Chowk) in the movie carries the zip code “6” in Delhi but I think differently. It's because there are some 6 stories running in parallel –
- The story of “Kala Bandar” or black monkey (someone told me that one Harbhajan Singh is refusing to even talk about this movie out there in New Zealand… guess he thinks he is pretty close to Australia and any monkey talk can land him in trouble)
- The story of a 2nd generation Indian American trying to come in terms with his roots
- The story of the sweet romance between Abhishek and Sonam (difficult to believe that this skinny girl used to weigh 90 kgs only a few years back – there is hope for people like me)
- The story of a girl from a lower middle class family, trying to fight her destiny (Am sure the Sony folks have paid a bomb for getting “Indian Idol” mentioned so often)
- The story of the fragile Hindu-Muslim peace and unity in this country
- The story of an untouchable and the double standards of the society around untouchability

I know there are many more stories but unless I limit this number to 6, my theory around the name of the movie fails!

All in all, this would have been a good novel to read… it’s a good “art” movie under the wraps of commercial cinema – may be to attract the multiplex crowd (which essentially decides the fates of the movie these days)…
If you haven’t watched it, don’t bother – wait for it to get released on UTV movies or Sony or whatever…

That's all for this edition... Till next time - Dasvidaniya...

ps - My comments on Dasvidaniya (the movie) in the next edition (whenever that happens!)