It's very clearly my real life frustration coming out but what's a better way to vent than a post :)
Very short and sweet for a change :)
Read through...
Hi,
Thanks a lot for your desperate mail, phone calls and SMS. Sorry I can’t mail, speak or SMS back to you today. Don’t try knocking my door as well, I am not in my room.
I am away on duty today. No, I don’t have any client meetings or travel… I will be busy doing settlement of my last trip. This was week before last and after sending 3 reminders they have threatened to cut my salary – it’s quarter end and if I don’t settle my trip, the results would be off by 0.000037% which of course is not acceptable.
It’s a different matter that after the much sought after trip, I have been again traveling all the time… I pointed this out to the juniormost clerk of this company and he had gracefully extended the deadline by a day which happens to be today.
Naveen, sorry, I cant review the Rs 250cr proposal that we are working on and Sanjay, I cant take that escalation call from the client. Radha, your CRR can wait. Prashant, you can forget about the 360-degree feedback – I know today is the last date but juniormost clerk’s command is more important than your career.
Ps – I am actually in the office but I have locked the door from inside and unhooked the phone so that I can “settle in peace”
Happy Christmas!!
Best regards,
Uday Bhaskarwar
Want to know of the writer in me? Buy my book - "Of A 'n' B"
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Poor me and T20
I know that’s a strange title for a post but you would realize very soon why (hopefully) :)
My last post got 7 comments – that’s kind of a record… instead of feeling elated I felt like a “bottom 10 percentile guy being told why he is the top 10 percentile guy and why he could be the next CEO of the company - all this when he puts in his papers”…
Poor me? What the heck! I was afraid of this kind of reaction and made an attempt to dissuade the same in my post but people are people… people are good at “selective reading”… I am not least pleased for being labeled “poor me” especially because I never meant it that way! (Munjay, I am not taking off on you… though you commented “poor me” explicitly, others were saying the same implicitly).
Ah, the only good part being I realized that more people read my blog than I thought!
Anyways, I have decided to change my tracks again and comment on the current affairs… T20 is the hottest thing around and this might sound like a “run of the mill” attempt but let me give it a try. Am sure you would like it… Here I go…
I see lot of similarity between Russians and Indians as far respecting our past is concerned…
The first thing Russians did when communism was brought down was to bring down Lenin’s statue… and throw Gorbachev into oblivion… and give the power in the hands of a drunkard (Yeltsin)… Stalin and Khrushchev I can understand but why Lenin? Wasn’t he the guy who booted the Czar away? Why Gorbachev? Wasn’t he the guy who actually made all this possible – starting with glasnost and perestroika… it was all so euphoric – giving the power in the hands of the great messiah of democracy (how does it matter if he cant even walk straight because of his vodka laced breakfast, lunch and dinner)…
What happened? Russia saw very high level of inflation, hunger, unemployment, corruption and what not… There was a shortage of food – not that communists were hiding this problem from the world earlier - because there were no people to till the land – it’s all mechanized out there but you need people to run the machines… communists had this mandatory stuff of students being sent to farms in their summer vacation and stuff like that… may be it was “cruel” but it worked – it kept people well fed… but well, it’s a ‘democracy’ now – let people decide what they want to do – even if it means they want to die of hunger!
From being a super power, Russia is part of BRIC – Brazil, Russia, India and China – the upcoming economic powers of the world – in essence, more or less a third world country… Long live democracy!!
I am no great supporter of communism (neither in a political nor in an economic sense - looking at our own left parties makes me feel that they walk backwards!) but hey, why is capitalism better? It has its own evils… I guess capitalism is “better” because communism is a spent force today and capitalism is still thriving…
Anyways, let me not digress from the key topic – the problem I see with Russians is that they do not know how to respect their past – at least the parts which are better ones. They bashed all and sundry including Lenin and Gorbachev. They could not figure out bad from good. They went for the package. They felt democracy was good even if it was a Yeltsin inside and coomunism was bad even if it was a Gorbachev inside. The results are there for everyone to see...
So, why do I think Indians are similar?
Look at the way we are treating the “big three” after the T20 world cup win and the T20 win against Australia last week. Suddenly, these 3 guys are pariahs… they are the reason for all the evils in the Indian cricket… Everyone including media is talking about the energy, running between the wickets, fielding etc in T20… And how that is because of the absence of the “big three”!
Come on guys, Sachin is your most consistent performer in one-dayers in the last 2 series (England & Australia)… Am not sure what would have been the results if Sachin and Ganguly were not batting at the top… Rahul is a different story – he does not want the pressures of being the captain, he does not want the pressure of batting (check his latest scores) and he does not want the pressure of fielding (check the catches dropped recently) – for me, he is a mental case and should rather be in an asylum than ‘sportingly’ ferrying water for the team…
Coming back to the main topic (I have this knack of getting digressed, don’t I?), what people don’t seem to have understood is that T20 is tailor made for Indians – Indians are weak genetically (I mean relatively weak – food habits, life style, lack of red meat, lack of exercise – all this for generations; and please, don’t start calling me a racist just because I called Indians “weak” – labeling others as racists seems to be another “in thing” these days!)... the maximum they can sustain their energy is for 20 overs… I have seen Gambhir twice and Sehwag once batting for more than 10 overs – excellent running between wickets et all – but at the end of 10 overs their tongues were hanging 3 feet down in the want of oxygen and water… there is no way Gambhir can do this in a 50-over match… and Sehwag we all know…
The boundaries are shorter which means the fielders don’t need to run around much… It also means Yuvraj can hit all those sixers (no offence meant… Yuvi is one of the best hitters around!)… All in all, the game is just suitable for us Indians – and we will remain a major power in this game for some time to come…
In all this, we have just forgotten what the “big three” have done for the Indian team over the years and suddenly they are unwanted ones, the villains… please! Leave them alone – well, at least the “big two”… you want to take on Rahul? Please be my guest! In fact, I strongly feel Sachin can do a good job in T20 and agree with Gilchrist’s statement that T20 can elongate careers, being a shorter version… Gilly for one would definitely like to believe that at the ripe age of 35 :)
And now for this week’s poll –
(oh my gosh! scroll down!!)
My last post got 7 comments – that’s kind of a record… instead of feeling elated I felt like a “bottom 10 percentile guy being told why he is the top 10 percentile guy and why he could be the next CEO of the company - all this when he puts in his papers”…
Poor me? What the heck! I was afraid of this kind of reaction and made an attempt to dissuade the same in my post but people are people… people are good at “selective reading”… I am not least pleased for being labeled “poor me” especially because I never meant it that way! (Munjay, I am not taking off on you… though you commented “poor me” explicitly, others were saying the same implicitly).
Ah, the only good part being I realized that more people read my blog than I thought!
Anyways, I have decided to change my tracks again and comment on the current affairs… T20 is the hottest thing around and this might sound like a “run of the mill” attempt but let me give it a try. Am sure you would like it… Here I go…
I see lot of similarity between Russians and Indians as far respecting our past is concerned…
The first thing Russians did when communism was brought down was to bring down Lenin’s statue… and throw Gorbachev into oblivion… and give the power in the hands of a drunkard (Yeltsin)… Stalin and Khrushchev I can understand but why Lenin? Wasn’t he the guy who booted the Czar away? Why Gorbachev? Wasn’t he the guy who actually made all this possible – starting with glasnost and perestroika… it was all so euphoric – giving the power in the hands of the great messiah of democracy (how does it matter if he cant even walk straight because of his vodka laced breakfast, lunch and dinner)…
What happened? Russia saw very high level of inflation, hunger, unemployment, corruption and what not… There was a shortage of food – not that communists were hiding this problem from the world earlier - because there were no people to till the land – it’s all mechanized out there but you need people to run the machines… communists had this mandatory stuff of students being sent to farms in their summer vacation and stuff like that… may be it was “cruel” but it worked – it kept people well fed… but well, it’s a ‘democracy’ now – let people decide what they want to do – even if it means they want to die of hunger!
From being a super power, Russia is part of BRIC – Brazil, Russia, India and China – the upcoming economic powers of the world – in essence, more or less a third world country… Long live democracy!!
I am no great supporter of communism (neither in a political nor in an economic sense - looking at our own left parties makes me feel that they walk backwards!) but hey, why is capitalism better? It has its own evils… I guess capitalism is “better” because communism is a spent force today and capitalism is still thriving…
Anyways, let me not digress from the key topic – the problem I see with Russians is that they do not know how to respect their past – at least the parts which are better ones. They bashed all and sundry including Lenin and Gorbachev. They could not figure out bad from good. They went for the package. They felt democracy was good even if it was a Yeltsin inside and coomunism was bad even if it was a Gorbachev inside. The results are there for everyone to see...
So, why do I think Indians are similar?
Look at the way we are treating the “big three” after the T20 world cup win and the T20 win against Australia last week. Suddenly, these 3 guys are pariahs… they are the reason for all the evils in the Indian cricket… Everyone including media is talking about the energy, running between the wickets, fielding etc in T20… And how that is because of the absence of the “big three”!
Come on guys, Sachin is your most consistent performer in one-dayers in the last 2 series (England & Australia)… Am not sure what would have been the results if Sachin and Ganguly were not batting at the top… Rahul is a different story – he does not want the pressures of being the captain, he does not want the pressure of batting (check his latest scores) and he does not want the pressure of fielding (check the catches dropped recently) – for me, he is a mental case and should rather be in an asylum than ‘sportingly’ ferrying water for the team…
Coming back to the main topic (I have this knack of getting digressed, don’t I?), what people don’t seem to have understood is that T20 is tailor made for Indians – Indians are weak genetically (I mean relatively weak – food habits, life style, lack of red meat, lack of exercise – all this for generations; and please, don’t start calling me a racist just because I called Indians “weak” – labeling others as racists seems to be another “in thing” these days!)... the maximum they can sustain their energy is for 20 overs… I have seen Gambhir twice and Sehwag once batting for more than 10 overs – excellent running between wickets et all – but at the end of 10 overs their tongues were hanging 3 feet down in the want of oxygen and water… there is no way Gambhir can do this in a 50-over match… and Sehwag we all know…
The boundaries are shorter which means the fielders don’t need to run around much… It also means Yuvraj can hit all those sixers (no offence meant… Yuvi is one of the best hitters around!)… All in all, the game is just suitable for us Indians – and we will remain a major power in this game for some time to come…
In all this, we have just forgotten what the “big three” have done for the Indian team over the years and suddenly they are unwanted ones, the villains… please! Leave them alone – well, at least the “big two”… you want to take on Rahul? Please be my guest! In fact, I strongly feel Sachin can do a good job in T20 and agree with Gilchrist’s statement that T20 can elongate careers, being a shorter version… Gilly for one would definitely like to believe that at the ripe age of 35 :)
And now for this week’s poll –
(oh my gosh! scroll down!!)
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Blogging about the blog...
It all started with the fateful Indigo trip from Nagpur to Pune. The story was interesting and loads of fun (for others of course!). People came from “pachas-pachas kos door se” and called from “pachas-pachas hazar kos door se” to hear the misery from the horse’s mouth. Being center of attention was fun to start with (though it was all about narrating my own misery with lots of chat masala applied), I got bored in a while. Then Vikram suggested that I should blog it out. I did and just got hooked.
And... 3.5 months and 9 posts later, the level of enthusiasm is down and the amount of energy is down. There are lesser number of visitors and even lesser number of commentators. Is it coming to an end? Is it me or is it them? To be fair, the amount of wit and fun is dwindling down and I am digging deeper into serious topics. I know for a fact that the one about black holes was a bit too serious and not to the liking for most of the people.
Many of you liked the “open door policy” one but the fact is that it was half typed long time back… and I just published it as is (and hence the abrupt ending!)
One of the problems with expecting others to read my stuff is that they expect the same from you… and you are forced to say good things lest they get nasty with you (which they sometimes do through anonymous comments!). Fortunately for me, there aren’t too many buggers, er, I mean bloggers around… and fortunately for me, some of them are good… Manas writes deep and serious stuff and Vikram writes deep and serious stuff… Ah! They both write deep and serious stuff but they are good (Am I doing what I just said I need to do to get good comments?! ;) )
The comments are far and few now but the anonymous ones still take the cake. If the “hot and cold” one I got for the moon posting was hilarious, the one I got for the last one (“open door policy”) is mysterious. It goes like this, verbatim –
“From Travel to astronomy to management was a great shift. Just nobel prize did not fit in. Probably can be interpreted as a reinstatement of what was said some years back.”
If you find it cryptic, don’t you worry mate, you are not alone. My first reaction was “Who? When? Why? Where? How?” How did some one know that I was going to blog about Nobel prize “some years back”. And did he speak to me about it? I don’t remember any such conversations!
The second reaction was – “Mate, Nobel prize was part of the Astronomy story. What’s your point?”
Anyways, the great part about anonymous comments is that you don’t get any clarification… I was expected this to be a comment from Vikram but he plainly refused – may be he wants to remain “anonymous” :)
Sachin P has never left a comment at the blog site but his verbal comment to me was that I always criticize someone or something in my postings. He might have a point but I wonder how would you have fun, and how would I have fun if all I do is talk goody goody… taking off on someone is the easiest way to have fun, ain’t it? How many of have Not laughed when one sat on a chair which was not there where it was supposed to be! The irony is that I had just published my “Nobel prize” posting in which I actually did not criticize anyone (thus bringing down the already dismal hit rate) but Sachin just refused to comment about it!
Anyways, the worst thing I can do is take off on the people who actually do leave comments… I think it’s a cardinal sin and I should stop doing so (while continuing to take off on the rest of the world!)
One positive by-product of the blog has been earnings through AdSense. While I am very tempted to click on the ads, I am not allowed to do so… I have to depend on well wishers to get some real moolah. My total earnings in the last 3.5 months is a handsome US$ 1.03. I am sure this would be mainly through ads like “Toto toilet” which appeared because of my “flush” posting… I know for sure that Venky clicked on it a few times. Guys, this thing is fantastic. I am earning in dollars sitting in India!
Having started and left the travel postings way behind, I am still sometimes tempted to go for travel stories though I have been advised against it. I almost did it a few weeks back when I took some 7 flights in 7 days in Europe… folks - 7 flights and that too in Europe are enough to make someone commit couple of murders and a harikiri, a blog posting is nothing as compared to that! Still, I curbed my deep desires and managed to keep together the last few visitors!!
If this sounds like a swan song, its not! If it sounds like I am going to stop blogging, I am not!! My last posting invited 8 votes and 3 comments which clearly means at least 7 people visited the site (1 vote was from me, heh, heh!)… more than that, the amount of fun and satisfaction I get is immense… in fact, if you don’t have a blog of yours yet, I suggest you have one… it’s loads of fun… And don’t forget the fact that you can earn some real $$$!
Anyway, have decided that no more mailers from this time on. My fans (ek!) would anyway visit and losers would never!
Ladies and Gentlemen: signing off now… Please leave your views through comments and votes! What? Dunno how to leave comments? Just click on the “x Comments” link below where "x" stands for a number (which is the number of comments left so far)…
I will be back soon – keep checking this space once in a week :)
And last but not the least, please vote (scroll down to vote)…
And... 3.5 months and 9 posts later, the level of enthusiasm is down and the amount of energy is down. There are lesser number of visitors and even lesser number of commentators. Is it coming to an end? Is it me or is it them? To be fair, the amount of wit and fun is dwindling down and I am digging deeper into serious topics. I know for a fact that the one about black holes was a bit too serious and not to the liking for most of the people.
Many of you liked the “open door policy” one but the fact is that it was half typed long time back… and I just published it as is (and hence the abrupt ending!)
One of the problems with expecting others to read my stuff is that they expect the same from you… and you are forced to say good things lest they get nasty with you (which they sometimes do through anonymous comments!). Fortunately for me, there aren’t too many buggers, er, I mean bloggers around… and fortunately for me, some of them are good… Manas writes deep and serious stuff and Vikram writes deep and serious stuff… Ah! They both write deep and serious stuff but they are good (Am I doing what I just said I need to do to get good comments?! ;) )
The comments are far and few now but the anonymous ones still take the cake. If the “hot and cold” one I got for the moon posting was hilarious, the one I got for the last one (“open door policy”) is mysterious. It goes like this, verbatim –
“From Travel to astronomy to management was a great shift. Just nobel prize did not fit in. Probably can be interpreted as a reinstatement of what was said some years back.”
If you find it cryptic, don’t you worry mate, you are not alone. My first reaction was “Who? When? Why? Where? How?” How did some one know that I was going to blog about Nobel prize “some years back”. And did he speak to me about it? I don’t remember any such conversations!
The second reaction was – “Mate, Nobel prize was part of the Astronomy story. What’s your point?”
Anyways, the great part about anonymous comments is that you don’t get any clarification… I was expected this to be a comment from Vikram but he plainly refused – may be he wants to remain “anonymous” :)
Sachin P has never left a comment at the blog site but his verbal comment to me was that I always criticize someone or something in my postings. He might have a point but I wonder how would you have fun, and how would I have fun if all I do is talk goody goody… taking off on someone is the easiest way to have fun, ain’t it? How many of have Not laughed when one sat on a chair which was not there where it was supposed to be! The irony is that I had just published my “Nobel prize” posting in which I actually did not criticize anyone (thus bringing down the already dismal hit rate) but Sachin just refused to comment about it!
Anyways, the worst thing I can do is take off on the people who actually do leave comments… I think it’s a cardinal sin and I should stop doing so (while continuing to take off on the rest of the world!)
One positive by-product of the blog has been earnings through AdSense. While I am very tempted to click on the ads, I am not allowed to do so… I have to depend on well wishers to get some real moolah. My total earnings in the last 3.5 months is a handsome US$ 1.03. I am sure this would be mainly through ads like “Toto toilet” which appeared because of my “flush” posting… I know for sure that Venky clicked on it a few times. Guys, this thing is fantastic. I am earning in dollars sitting in India!
Having started and left the travel postings way behind, I am still sometimes tempted to go for travel stories though I have been advised against it. I almost did it a few weeks back when I took some 7 flights in 7 days in Europe… folks - 7 flights and that too in Europe are enough to make someone commit couple of murders and a harikiri, a blog posting is nothing as compared to that! Still, I curbed my deep desires and managed to keep together the last few visitors!!
If this sounds like a swan song, its not! If it sounds like I am going to stop blogging, I am not!! My last posting invited 8 votes and 3 comments which clearly means at least 7 people visited the site (1 vote was from me, heh, heh!)… more than that, the amount of fun and satisfaction I get is immense… in fact, if you don’t have a blog of yours yet, I suggest you have one… it’s loads of fun… And don’t forget the fact that you can earn some real $$$!
Anyway, have decided that no more mailers from this time on. My fans (ek!) would anyway visit and losers would never!
Ladies and Gentlemen: signing off now… Please leave your views through comments and votes! What? Dunno how to leave comments? Just click on the “x Comments” link below where "x" stands for a number (which is the number of comments left so far)…
I will be back soon – keep checking this space once in a week :)
And last but not the least, please vote (scroll down to vote)…
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Open Door Policy...
I keep the door closed in the office… which means I belong to the “pointy hair’ category of Dilbert and have a cabin of my own…
Anyway, when I say closed, I don’t lock it from inside or anything… in fact, I leave the key in the keyhole when I unlock the door every morning (some technical cynics would say “afternoon” but that's irrelevant in the context) and if someone is really up to playing a prank on me, they can lock me from outside (hope I am not inviting trouble here!)…
Anyway, more often than not, some joker (more often than not a guy named Sandeep) would pop in and grin into my face saying “why don’t you keep your door open? Haven’t you heard of open door policy?”… I have heard this comment so many times that I wonder now if open door policy is all (or also) about keeping the door open… I thought it was figure of speech but may be there is a literal meaning involved…
But there are intricacies involved… My cabin seems to be built of some material which is an excellent conductor of sound… what this means is that I am able to hear all the comments passed by people passing my cabin… what are these comments? No comments! May be keeping door open will help in this case…
But if I really keep the door open – which I am forced to in an unfortunate case of a power failure or something like that – it’s trouble both ways. Many of my conversations are loud and nasty and I don’t think they are really pleasant for my neighbors… And other way round, the stylish ring tones could really be distracting when in deep thought – the latest and greatest I heard most recently was a small child going “message aaya, message aaya, message aaya, message aaya, message aaaaaya” for incoming messages… God bless you my friend…
When I was in London till 2 years back, I had a cabin with no roof and there was an opening in the wall for coming in/going out (yeah, yeah, it was a cubicle)… There were times I would have very loud and heated discussion on the phone and after hanging up I would realize that there were some 10-15 pairs of bloodthirsty eyes staring at me…
Net-net, I think I know better than keeping the door open – whatever my critiques say…
In any case, i decided to look up for "open door policy" on the net to quench my thirst for the ultimate knowledge...
so what exactly is the open door policy?
The Wikipedia definition says -
"The Open Door Policy is a concept in foreign affairs stating that, in principle, all nations should have equal commercial and industrial trade rights in China"
It talks about China in 19th century. Ha! I bet you did not know about this!
Even if you google for "open door policy", the number of links on management difinition is a poor cousin of the China thingy.
That brings me to this week’s poll (pretty abrupt end, ain't it?)–
(oh my gosh, how many times do i need to telll you to scroll down?)
Anyway, when I say closed, I don’t lock it from inside or anything… in fact, I leave the key in the keyhole when I unlock the door every morning (some technical cynics would say “afternoon” but that's irrelevant in the context) and if someone is really up to playing a prank on me, they can lock me from outside (hope I am not inviting trouble here!)…
Anyway, more often than not, some joker (more often than not a guy named Sandeep) would pop in and grin into my face saying “why don’t you keep your door open? Haven’t you heard of open door policy?”… I have heard this comment so many times that I wonder now if open door policy is all (or also) about keeping the door open… I thought it was figure of speech but may be there is a literal meaning involved…
But there are intricacies involved… My cabin seems to be built of some material which is an excellent conductor of sound… what this means is that I am able to hear all the comments passed by people passing my cabin… what are these comments? No comments! May be keeping door open will help in this case…
But if I really keep the door open – which I am forced to in an unfortunate case of a power failure or something like that – it’s trouble both ways. Many of my conversations are loud and nasty and I don’t think they are really pleasant for my neighbors… And other way round, the stylish ring tones could really be distracting when in deep thought – the latest and greatest I heard most recently was a small child going “message aaya, message aaya, message aaya, message aaya, message aaaaaya” for incoming messages… God bless you my friend…
When I was in London till 2 years back, I had a cabin with no roof and there was an opening in the wall for coming in/going out (yeah, yeah, it was a cubicle)… There were times I would have very loud and heated discussion on the phone and after hanging up I would realize that there were some 10-15 pairs of bloodthirsty eyes staring at me…
Net-net, I think I know better than keeping the door open – whatever my critiques say…
In any case, i decided to look up for "open door policy" on the net to quench my thirst for the ultimate knowledge...
so what exactly is the open door policy?
The Wikipedia definition says -
"The Open Door Policy is a concept in foreign affairs stating that, in principle, all nations should have equal commercial and industrial trade rights in China"
It talks about China in 19th century. Ha! I bet you did not know about this!
Even if you google for "open door policy", the number of links on management difinition is a poor cousin of the China thingy.
That brings me to this week’s poll (pretty abrupt end, ain't it?)–
(oh my gosh, how many times do i need to telll you to scroll down?)
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Wanna Nobel prize? Or may be two??
What lovely comments do I get... the "unbeatable" one so far was for my last blog -
[sic] "Writing about the moon. Haveyou cooled down soon. I thought you as an HOT PERSON." By Anonymous
I am not least surprised that it was an anonymous comment though I am still wondering what this really means!
Anyway, I realized that the last one was pretty dull, moon landing or no moon landing - it was an old ragged story that no one really cares about anymore... so I decided to pick a HOT topic this time... Why not talk of Nobel prizes and the black holes??? I am sure neither have lost their charm yet...
The Nobel is anyway pretty unpredictable... it's not a function of the brilliance all the times - Gandhi never got one and two guys looking for bird shit got it... it only means that me and you have more than a fair chance of getting it (well, unless you consider yourself a 'brilliant' person... and if you really are, what the hell you are doing reading this blog - do something better!)... it's worth giving a shot...
Maria Skłodowska-Curie discovered Radium almost by accident when looking for Uranium and she got a Nobel for the same - it’s a well known story.
A lesser know story is of two guys named Penzias and Wilson who discovered evidence of big bang when looking for bird shit (yes, bird shit!) and got a Nobel for the same. Well, it's not as bad as it sounds - the two blokes were working on a sensitive microwave detector to communicate with satellites when they detected this continuous background noise... first they thought it was because of the bird droppings on the detector but then they learnt of the theory of Dicke and Peebles... Dicke and Peebles had predicted that if indeed there was a big bang, the "red-shifted" (I will not get into details of red-shifted) radiation from then would still be around... The "bird shit" blokes were smart enough to realize that the continuous background noise was nothing but the radiation from T=0 (i.e. big bang)... this was the first conclusive proof of big bang and they got a Nobel for the same...
Dicke and Peebles got, well, pebbles - which does not sound fair but is fair if you know how the Nobels are awarded... A Nobel is never awarded for postulating a theory, it's awarded for real, observational proof... Am talking about the Nobel related to science...
This still does not explain why Gandhi never got a Nobel but surely explains why Stephen Hawking is yet to get one - the smartest one after Newton and Einstein...
And that is how I come to my suggestion on how to win a Nobel or may be two... and it's going to be pretty simple for a smart person like you (I know you are not brilliant, but you are smart enough for sure :) ) - I promise! And these one would not be by accident for sure - I am going to tell you the sure shot ways of getting them!
Let me walk you on the journey of Nobel(s) then...
Am sure you all know what's a black hole - the heavy body with concentrated mass - billions of tones in the size of a pinhead... it sucks everything... nothing escapes - not even the light (and hence the name black hole)... A black hole is formed when a star with the mass more than Chandra's limit 'dies' - Chandra's limit is 1.5 times the mass of our Sun... which also means that Sun will not become a black hole and we will not get sucked into it (it’s a different thing that we will get burnt because Sun would expand in its size engulfing nearby planets including Earth before 'dying' into a white dwarf - now, now, now... what's a white dwarf? - well, lets leave it for the next time)...
Btw, Chandra also got a Nobel for defining Chandra's limit and some other stuff...
Anyway, black hole is not what we are interested in - we will be looking for baby back holes... But, what's a baby black hole?
Now, there are two things that Stephen Hawking has postulated (with strong mathematical work associated, of course) -
1. Black holes aren’t completely black... he has proved (maths again!) that black holes do radiate... I know, this comes as a surprise - if even light can't escape black holes, how do they really radiate... but the fact is that they do - ever so slowly...
2. Black holes don’t need to necessarily be formed due to a dying big star... there were conditions immediately after the big bang which would have created immense amount of energy/pressure (as in a big dying star) that would have created black holes albeit of much lesser mass/size of the traditional 'dying star' black holes... And these are our baby black holes... (well, it seems CERN is creating 'babier' black holes right here on the Earth by smashing highly accelerated particles but these "black holes" have a life of 10^-23 seconds - don’t ask me how the hell they measure such a small time period and how do they detect such short lived black holes but I do sincerely hope they don’t create one big enough to engulf the Earth!!)
Now, these are 2 very important points because they can potentially earn you 2 Nobels...
Stephen Hawking also made some calculations (maths genius!) and found out the density of the baby back holes... they are more abundant than you would have thought... the closest to the Earth should not be farther than Pluto!! That pretty close, ain't it? There is no need to panic though - No, Earth would not be sucked in by a baby black hole (BBH) because, exactly, it’s a baby and not powerful enough to suck the Earth...
Nobel prize #1 - The theory is well and good but there is no conclusive proof of a BBH yet because no one has found one yet... so get you get your telescopes out and point them to the heavens and look for that BBH but, err, you cant see them with conventional telescopes... remember, nothing escapes a black hole - not even light... may be smearing some bird shit on the lens would help!
Nevertheless, if you find one somehow, a Nobel is guaranteed...
That was simple, ain't it?
Before I tell you how to get the second one, I need to tell you more about the black hole radiation...
I mentioned above that Stephen Hawking has figured out that the black holes do radiate... The rate of radiation is a function of the size - the smaller the size, the more it would radiate... while a conventional black hole's radiation rate would be very small, difficult to even detect and it would take billions of years for the black hole to evaporate, the BBHs radiate more briskly due to their smaller size... a BBH would radiate energy at a rate as good as output of 10-20 power stations...
Nobel prize #2 - This one is going to be another piece of cake... so once you get your Nobel prize #1, all you need to do is get the BBH to Earth's orbit and use couple of strong/thick enough wires to harness the power - that would be the cheapest power available to us for a few million years - Bye, bye, energy concerns!... What? Why can't you get the BBH on Earth's surface - that's because it's too dense to be placed on the surface, it would just drop through the floor and settle at the center of the Earth and it would be more difficult to harness the power from there... And how do you get the BBH to Earth's orbit? Well, all you need to do is sell the business plan to NASA to invest in a big/strong enough spaceship and Caterpillar to invest in a large enough earthmover, er!, BBH mover!! I am sure NASA and Caterpillar would be more than keen to partner with a Nobel laureate...
And that's the Nobel #2 for you...
And, ahem, it would be very nice of you if you share the credit (and moolah!) with me and a small percentage with Stephen Hawking also... I am sure it would make Mr Hawking a happy man...
And now for this week's poll... please scroll down...
[sic] "Writing about the moon. Haveyou cooled down soon. I thought you as an HOT PERSON." By Anonymous
I am not least surprised that it was an anonymous comment though I am still wondering what this really means!
Anyway, I realized that the last one was pretty dull, moon landing or no moon landing - it was an old ragged story that no one really cares about anymore... so I decided to pick a HOT topic this time... Why not talk of Nobel prizes and the black holes??? I am sure neither have lost their charm yet...
The Nobel is anyway pretty unpredictable... it's not a function of the brilliance all the times - Gandhi never got one and two guys looking for bird shit got it... it only means that me and you have more than a fair chance of getting it (well, unless you consider yourself a 'brilliant' person... and if you really are, what the hell you are doing reading this blog - do something better!)... it's worth giving a shot...
Maria Skłodowska-Curie discovered Radium almost by accident when looking for Uranium and she got a Nobel for the same - it’s a well known story.
A lesser know story is of two guys named Penzias and Wilson who discovered evidence of big bang when looking for bird shit (yes, bird shit!) and got a Nobel for the same. Well, it's not as bad as it sounds - the two blokes were working on a sensitive microwave detector to communicate with satellites when they detected this continuous background noise... first they thought it was because of the bird droppings on the detector but then they learnt of the theory of Dicke and Peebles... Dicke and Peebles had predicted that if indeed there was a big bang, the "red-shifted" (I will not get into details of red-shifted) radiation from then would still be around... The "bird shit" blokes were smart enough to realize that the continuous background noise was nothing but the radiation from T=0 (i.e. big bang)... this was the first conclusive proof of big bang and they got a Nobel for the same...
Dicke and Peebles got, well, pebbles - which does not sound fair but is fair if you know how the Nobels are awarded... A Nobel is never awarded for postulating a theory, it's awarded for real, observational proof... Am talking about the Nobel related to science...
This still does not explain why Gandhi never got a Nobel but surely explains why Stephen Hawking is yet to get one - the smartest one after Newton and Einstein...
And that is how I come to my suggestion on how to win a Nobel or may be two... and it's going to be pretty simple for a smart person like you (I know you are not brilliant, but you are smart enough for sure :) ) - I promise! And these one would not be by accident for sure - I am going to tell you the sure shot ways of getting them!
Let me walk you on the journey of Nobel(s) then...
Am sure you all know what's a black hole - the heavy body with concentrated mass - billions of tones in the size of a pinhead... it sucks everything... nothing escapes - not even the light (and hence the name black hole)... A black hole is formed when a star with the mass more than Chandra's limit 'dies' - Chandra's limit is 1.5 times the mass of our Sun... which also means that Sun will not become a black hole and we will not get sucked into it (it’s a different thing that we will get burnt because Sun would expand in its size engulfing nearby planets including Earth before 'dying' into a white dwarf - now, now, now... what's a white dwarf? - well, lets leave it for the next time)...
Btw, Chandra also got a Nobel for defining Chandra's limit and some other stuff...
Anyway, black hole is not what we are interested in - we will be looking for baby back holes... But, what's a baby black hole?
Now, there are two things that Stephen Hawking has postulated (with strong mathematical work associated, of course) -
1. Black holes aren’t completely black... he has proved (maths again!) that black holes do radiate... I know, this comes as a surprise - if even light can't escape black holes, how do they really radiate... but the fact is that they do - ever so slowly...
2. Black holes don’t need to necessarily be formed due to a dying big star... there were conditions immediately after the big bang which would have created immense amount of energy/pressure (as in a big dying star) that would have created black holes albeit of much lesser mass/size of the traditional 'dying star' black holes... And these are our baby black holes... (well, it seems CERN is creating 'babier' black holes right here on the Earth by smashing highly accelerated particles but these "black holes" have a life of 10^-23 seconds - don’t ask me how the hell they measure such a small time period and how do they detect such short lived black holes but I do sincerely hope they don’t create one big enough to engulf the Earth!!)
Now, these are 2 very important points because they can potentially earn you 2 Nobels...
Stephen Hawking also made some calculations (maths genius!) and found out the density of the baby back holes... they are more abundant than you would have thought... the closest to the Earth should not be farther than Pluto!! That pretty close, ain't it? There is no need to panic though - No, Earth would not be sucked in by a baby black hole (BBH) because, exactly, it’s a baby and not powerful enough to suck the Earth...
Nobel prize #1 - The theory is well and good but there is no conclusive proof of a BBH yet because no one has found one yet... so get you get your telescopes out and point them to the heavens and look for that BBH but, err, you cant see them with conventional telescopes... remember, nothing escapes a black hole - not even light... may be smearing some bird shit on the lens would help!
Nevertheless, if you find one somehow, a Nobel is guaranteed...
That was simple, ain't it?
Before I tell you how to get the second one, I need to tell you more about the black hole radiation...
I mentioned above that Stephen Hawking has figured out that the black holes do radiate... The rate of radiation is a function of the size - the smaller the size, the more it would radiate... while a conventional black hole's radiation rate would be very small, difficult to even detect and it would take billions of years for the black hole to evaporate, the BBHs radiate more briskly due to their smaller size... a BBH would radiate energy at a rate as good as output of 10-20 power stations...
Nobel prize #2 - This one is going to be another piece of cake... so once you get your Nobel prize #1, all you need to do is get the BBH to Earth's orbit and use couple of strong/thick enough wires to harness the power - that would be the cheapest power available to us for a few million years - Bye, bye, energy concerns!... What? Why can't you get the BBH on Earth's surface - that's because it's too dense to be placed on the surface, it would just drop through the floor and settle at the center of the Earth and it would be more difficult to harness the power from there... And how do you get the BBH to Earth's orbit? Well, all you need to do is sell the business plan to NASA to invest in a big/strong enough spaceship and Caterpillar to invest in a large enough earthmover, er!, BBH mover!! I am sure NASA and Caterpillar would be more than keen to partner with a Nobel laureate...
And that's the Nobel #2 for you...
And, ahem, it would be very nice of you if you share the credit (and moolah!) with me and a small percentage with Stephen Hawking also... I am sure it would make Mr Hawking a happy man...
And now for this week's poll... please scroll down...
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Moon Landing – What a baloney!
When I saw the moon landing clip for the first time in my life (which was definitely after 1983 because that’s when the TV first arrived in my small town), the first thing I noticed was the American flag fluttering in the wind… The intelligent kid I was I knew that there was no air and hence no wind on moon… Though the intelligent kid I was I did not dare raise this issue to anyone because I thought I would be laughed at… apart from being intelligent, I was sensitive too and could not afford someone laughing at me… I let it go… of course we (i.e. humans) had landed on moon… how could someone doubt that?
Anyway, the small iota of doubt did make it’s home in the backroom of my mind…
Access to literature was limited (or may be it was lack of my awareness) and as a kid I never got to read all the material raising doubts about moon landing… I did once read somewhere a Hindu Sadhu claiming that the Moon is beyond the reach of humans and Americans must have landed on a piece of rock somewhere close to the Earth… Me being a non-religious type just read it, shrugged and forgot about it…
Anyway, the moon landings were supposed to have happened more than 35 years back and whatever amount of controversy might have been there with the whole thing... you don’t sit and ponder about it after 35 years… definitely not if you are not part of the generation that was part of the whole excitement – most of the ‘landings’ happened well before I was born…
The reason the whole thing came back like a déjà vu is because couple of things happened recently – first, the person whom I consider the best President (so far) of the United States – a person named George W Bush – announced that we (i.e. human beings) are going back to the Moon by 2020 and second, more at a personal level, an enlightening visit to the NASA facility at Cape Canaveral…
Consider the following –
1. Russians were the first to send a satellite in the space
2. Russians were the first to send a living creature in space (the poor dog died)
3. Russians were the first to send a human in the space (the bloke did manage to come back)
4. Russians were the first to send a probe to the Moon
5. Russians were the first to send a human to the Moon
6. Russians were the first to build the space station
The list goes on…
Oops, point number 5 is not correct… Russians were NOT the first to go to the Moon… in fact, they never went to the Moon… Americans beat them at it – in fact, Americans managed to send 14 men over a period of 3-4 years while Russians sent none – never ever!
So, folks, Americans were behind the Russians all along as far as space race is concerned but for one thing – Moon landing! I can't believe that most of the world genuinely believes that Americans did land on the Moon… Russians never loudly protested – may be they did but it did not reach the ears of the capitalistic world…
If you consider the timing… cold war, Russian consistently beating Americans at the biggest show off, a dashing and dynamic President, a dashing and dynamic President making promise to go to Moon, a dashing and dynamic President making promise to go to the Moon and then dying, cold war still hot… What would you do if you were caught in this situation? If you can’t go to the Moon, the least you would do is get a bunch of Hollywood directors and make a movie!!
Well, that’s the feeling I got when I visited NASA at Cape Canaveral earlier this year… well, NASA is not all about Moon but there is so much focus on telling the Moon tale and there is so much focus on trying to convince that the Moon landings indeed took place that even a believer would start doubting…
And when they tell you the whole story – Kennedy announcement, misfired rockets, people dying in Apollo explosions, landings and missed landings of Apollo 13 – it starts sounding like a Hollywood thriller… it just sounds like a Hollywood thriller!!!
The funniest explanation I read of the fluttering flag was in “Who built the Moon?”. It goes like this – Armstrong had to swivel the flag post on the Moon surface to fix it… the swivel caused the fluttering of the flag and since there is no air on the Moon, there was nothing to dampen the flutter and hence the flag fluttered for a very long time… Too bad Armtrong did not carry a hammer - it would have saved NASA from a big controversy... And what if the surface they landed on was not soft enough for the flag post to be swivelled in???
Anyways, I think the swivel theory is "brilliant" – I wonder why NASA has been more or less silent on this issue and did not use the swivel theory…
The icing on the cake is thanks to the "brilliant" Bush (BB). BB announced that they are going back to the Moon and beyond (well, you need something big and exciting to take the spotlight away from Iraq debacle) – back to the Moon by, er!, 2020… well, er, why does it take 50 years (yes, 50 years – 1970 to 2020) to go back to the Moon??? And mind it, they would start with unmanned missions first – basically going through the whole cycle again…
NASA is so brilliant – they sent people to the Moon 35 years back but still keep killing their own people trying to send them to the lower space!
Ladies and Gentlemen: Moon landing – what a baloney… a big, large piece of stinking crap…
Now, it’s time for the poll –
Anyway, the small iota of doubt did make it’s home in the backroom of my mind…
Access to literature was limited (or may be it was lack of my awareness) and as a kid I never got to read all the material raising doubts about moon landing… I did once read somewhere a Hindu Sadhu claiming that the Moon is beyond the reach of humans and Americans must have landed on a piece of rock somewhere close to the Earth… Me being a non-religious type just read it, shrugged and forgot about it…
Anyway, the moon landings were supposed to have happened more than 35 years back and whatever amount of controversy might have been there with the whole thing... you don’t sit and ponder about it after 35 years… definitely not if you are not part of the generation that was part of the whole excitement – most of the ‘landings’ happened well before I was born…
The reason the whole thing came back like a déjà vu is because couple of things happened recently – first, the person whom I consider the best President (so far) of the United States – a person named George W Bush – announced that we (i.e. human beings) are going back to the Moon by 2020 and second, more at a personal level, an enlightening visit to the NASA facility at Cape Canaveral…
Consider the following –
1. Russians were the first to send a satellite in the space
2. Russians were the first to send a living creature in space (the poor dog died)
3. Russians were the first to send a human in the space (the bloke did manage to come back)
4. Russians were the first to send a probe to the Moon
5. Russians were the first to send a human to the Moon
6. Russians were the first to build the space station
The list goes on…
Oops, point number 5 is not correct… Russians were NOT the first to go to the Moon… in fact, they never went to the Moon… Americans beat them at it – in fact, Americans managed to send 14 men over a period of 3-4 years while Russians sent none – never ever!
So, folks, Americans were behind the Russians all along as far as space race is concerned but for one thing – Moon landing! I can't believe that most of the world genuinely believes that Americans did land on the Moon… Russians never loudly protested – may be they did but it did not reach the ears of the capitalistic world…
If you consider the timing… cold war, Russian consistently beating Americans at the biggest show off, a dashing and dynamic President, a dashing and dynamic President making promise to go to Moon, a dashing and dynamic President making promise to go to the Moon and then dying, cold war still hot… What would you do if you were caught in this situation? If you can’t go to the Moon, the least you would do is get a bunch of Hollywood directors and make a movie!!
Well, that’s the feeling I got when I visited NASA at Cape Canaveral earlier this year… well, NASA is not all about Moon but there is so much focus on telling the Moon tale and there is so much focus on trying to convince that the Moon landings indeed took place that even a believer would start doubting…
And when they tell you the whole story – Kennedy announcement, misfired rockets, people dying in Apollo explosions, landings and missed landings of Apollo 13 – it starts sounding like a Hollywood thriller… it just sounds like a Hollywood thriller!!!
The funniest explanation I read of the fluttering flag was in “Who built the Moon?”. It goes like this – Armstrong had to swivel the flag post on the Moon surface to fix it… the swivel caused the fluttering of the flag and since there is no air on the Moon, there was nothing to dampen the flutter and hence the flag fluttered for a very long time… Too bad Armtrong did not carry a hammer - it would have saved NASA from a big controversy... And what if the surface they landed on was not soft enough for the flag post to be swivelled in???
Anyways, I think the swivel theory is "brilliant" – I wonder why NASA has been more or less silent on this issue and did not use the swivel theory…
The icing on the cake is thanks to the "brilliant" Bush (BB). BB announced that they are going back to the Moon and beyond (well, you need something big and exciting to take the spotlight away from Iraq debacle) – back to the Moon by, er!, 2020… well, er, why does it take 50 years (yes, 50 years – 1970 to 2020) to go back to the Moon??? And mind it, they would start with unmanned missions first – basically going through the whole cycle again…
NASA is so brilliant – they sent people to the Moon 35 years back but still keep killing their own people trying to send them to the lower space!
Ladies and Gentlemen: Moon landing – what a baloney… a big, large piece of stinking crap…
Now, it’s time for the poll –
Sunday, August 5, 2007
The Sky is Falling...
My dear friends, it’s true! The world is coming to an end… the sky is falling… the Armageddon is here… Or that’s what Lawrence E Joseph, the author of “Apocalypse 2012” would like us to believe…
He has cited various sources… from Indian sacred text to Mayan shamans to Bible to Human interventions (Atom smashing, Grey goo) to Natural happenings (super volcanoes, high solar activity)… The worrisome thing is that they all point to one single year (if not the same date) which is 2012… Mayan calendar says a new “cycle” will start in 2012… Scientists say the solar activity is going to peak in 2012… Yellowstone is overdue for a super volcano (erupts every 700,000 years)… Everything is pointing to major changes if not the end of the world…
The interesting part is that the diverse sources – from old civilizations as far apart as India and South America to newer scientific intelligence - all point to something big happening very soon… Older sources are clearer about the dates… in fact, as per the Mayan calendar, it’s going to be Dec 21, 2012 (12/21/12)…
Some 65m years back, it took an asteroid (or was it a super volcano?) to bereave mother Earth of Dinosaurs… Am sure if humans existed in some/any form at that point of time, they were either eaten by the starving vegetarian giants, crushed under the falling dead giants or simply died of starvation themselves… the point is that it has happened before and there is no reason for it not to happen again… the only question is when?... and if it can be predicted!!
The book (Apocalypse 2012) is pretty convincing (apart from being witty)… Let’s say it’s true... What would you do if it's true? Just imagine this world ending in 2012… There is a small probability of you surviving but the world would anyways be very very different – remember some creatures did survive 65m years back (am not talking about unicellular basic life forms) – the best known examples is cockroaches… yes my friends… imagine the lady dinosaur going berserk in her kitchen on seeing a cockroach… if you extend this further, may be, as the number of cockroaches increased, there were more and more cases of lady dinosaurs jumping up and down in their respective kitchens which caused minor tremors… may be there was a “tipping point” when these minor tremors per dinosaur caused a major one which triggered the super volcano which caused the untimely demise of the whole specie and many other species…
May be and just may be – this was all a conspiracy of the cockroaches… after all they were the only significant specie to survive the holocaust… may be they are the most intelligent specie living on the Earth (and not the rats as claimed by Douglas Adams in “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”)… And may be it’s the cockroaches who are working on the conspiracy 2012 because they are under threat today… under threat from humans who are trying to come up with ways and means to raze the whole specie (though miserably unsuccessful till now)… May be it’s about time… may be its about time to do what they did 65m years back…
Wow, that was quite an intellectual detour from the question I asked in the beginning of the last paragraph… what would you do if you knew that the world will "kind of" end in 2012… Would you continue to live your life the way you are today?
Some wild thoughts -
First and foremost, Sanjay Dutt would stop worrying about 5 years vrs 6 years – there is anyway no life after 5 years…
I am sure most people would drop the long term plans right away – LIC, pension, mortgage – all would be forgotten…
And, well, I am sure I know at least some people who believe in this theory – the creators of 2012 London Olympics logo! You have to see the bloody crappy logo to believe what I am trying to say here!
So, what would you do? Would you continue doing this "good for nothing" job? Wouldn’t you just drop everything and go on a long long holiday?
But (there is always one), who would you go with on this long holiday – are you sure this other person would be willing to spend the last 5 years of his/her life with you? Where would you go? Who would be there to serve you? Why would anyone serve you – wouldn’t “they” also like to go for a holiday of their own? Who would do the farming and hence who would get the food on your table?
If you continue building on this scenario you would soon realize that it’s going be very very difficult one… within 30 days of everyone realizing/accepting 2012, there would be real anarchy… and within 60 days everyone would get back to doing what they were doing earlier…
Also, the small possibility remains that the world may not end in 5 years… what if it does not end after 5 years? I realized that if I party (and do nothing else) for the next 5 years, the world will anyway be very different even if it does not end… I would be sitting in front of a temple with a bowl in my hands!
My dear friend, the point is, this 5 years thing is no different from the 75 years thing (i.e. the average lifespan of humans)… Most of us do not live our lives partying just because it’s anyways going to end… we don’t give up in the 75th year (most of us) because there is always a possibility of the 76th, the 77th, the 80th and even the 100th year…
I realized that my life would not change much even if I am fully aware of 2012 because there is always an “if” involved… And I believe it would be the same in case of 95% of the people for 4 years 364 days…
Yeah, the dooms day would be very different – I agree…
Now for this week's poll... (please scroll down!)
He has cited various sources… from Indian sacred text to Mayan shamans to Bible to Human interventions (Atom smashing, Grey goo) to Natural happenings (super volcanoes, high solar activity)… The worrisome thing is that they all point to one single year (if not the same date) which is 2012… Mayan calendar says a new “cycle” will start in 2012… Scientists say the solar activity is going to peak in 2012… Yellowstone is overdue for a super volcano (erupts every 700,000 years)… Everything is pointing to major changes if not the end of the world…
The interesting part is that the diverse sources – from old civilizations as far apart as India and South America to newer scientific intelligence - all point to something big happening very soon… Older sources are clearer about the dates… in fact, as per the Mayan calendar, it’s going to be Dec 21, 2012 (12/21/12)…
Some 65m years back, it took an asteroid (or was it a super volcano?) to bereave mother Earth of Dinosaurs… Am sure if humans existed in some/any form at that point of time, they were either eaten by the starving vegetarian giants, crushed under the falling dead giants or simply died of starvation themselves… the point is that it has happened before and there is no reason for it not to happen again… the only question is when?... and if it can be predicted!!
The book (Apocalypse 2012) is pretty convincing (apart from being witty)… Let’s say it’s true... What would you do if it's true? Just imagine this world ending in 2012… There is a small probability of you surviving but the world would anyways be very very different – remember some creatures did survive 65m years back (am not talking about unicellular basic life forms) – the best known examples is cockroaches… yes my friends… imagine the lady dinosaur going berserk in her kitchen on seeing a cockroach… if you extend this further, may be, as the number of cockroaches increased, there were more and more cases of lady dinosaurs jumping up and down in their respective kitchens which caused minor tremors… may be there was a “tipping point” when these minor tremors per dinosaur caused a major one which triggered the super volcano which caused the untimely demise of the whole specie and many other species…
May be and just may be – this was all a conspiracy of the cockroaches… after all they were the only significant specie to survive the holocaust… may be they are the most intelligent specie living on the Earth (and not the rats as claimed by Douglas Adams in “The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy”)… And may be it’s the cockroaches who are working on the conspiracy 2012 because they are under threat today… under threat from humans who are trying to come up with ways and means to raze the whole specie (though miserably unsuccessful till now)… May be it’s about time… may be its about time to do what they did 65m years back…
Wow, that was quite an intellectual detour from the question I asked in the beginning of the last paragraph… what would you do if you knew that the world will "kind of" end in 2012… Would you continue to live your life the way you are today?
Some wild thoughts -
First and foremost, Sanjay Dutt would stop worrying about 5 years vrs 6 years – there is anyway no life after 5 years…
I am sure most people would drop the long term plans right away – LIC, pension, mortgage – all would be forgotten…
And, well, I am sure I know at least some people who believe in this theory – the creators of 2012 London Olympics logo! You have to see the bloody crappy logo to believe what I am trying to say here!
So, what would you do? Would you continue doing this "good for nothing" job? Wouldn’t you just drop everything and go on a long long holiday?
But (there is always one), who would you go with on this long holiday – are you sure this other person would be willing to spend the last 5 years of his/her life with you? Where would you go? Who would be there to serve you? Why would anyone serve you – wouldn’t “they” also like to go for a holiday of their own? Who would do the farming and hence who would get the food on your table?
If you continue building on this scenario you would soon realize that it’s going be very very difficult one… within 30 days of everyone realizing/accepting 2012, there would be real anarchy… and within 60 days everyone would get back to doing what they were doing earlier…
Also, the small possibility remains that the world may not end in 5 years… what if it does not end after 5 years? I realized that if I party (and do nothing else) for the next 5 years, the world will anyway be very different even if it does not end… I would be sitting in front of a temple with a bowl in my hands!
My dear friend, the point is, this 5 years thing is no different from the 75 years thing (i.e. the average lifespan of humans)… Most of us do not live our lives partying just because it’s anyways going to end… we don’t give up in the 75th year (most of us) because there is always a possibility of the 76th, the 77th, the 80th and even the 100th year…
I realized that my life would not change much even if I am fully aware of 2012 because there is always an “if” involved… And I believe it would be the same in case of 95% of the people for 4 years 364 days…
Yeah, the dooms day would be very different – I agree…
Now for this week's poll... (please scroll down!)
Saturday, July 28, 2007
To Flush or Not to Flush...
Its aching… my knees are aching…
I have been doing lot of thinking over the last one week. While there are some who feel I should write about a sea voyage (which - the sea voyage in itself - anyway I don’t think is a good idea considering my swimming skills… I think the chances of me flying if I flap my hands quick enough are higher than me being able to swim ever… as Neeraj says – I don’t swim, I ‘whale’), there are others who feel I am doing a Salim-Javed by going on and on about travel stories…
It may not be a bad idea to experiment outside the travel zone but it does throw some challenges –
- First and foremost, I will have to change the name of the blog!
- Things happen when one moves around (ask Ms Sudha Murthy)… you cant be sitting at home and expect exciting/interesting thing to happen… Well, things do happen at home and they might be interesting enough, if not gossip material, for others but it would make my life miserable because I am sure one Priti Bhaskarwar would not be too happy about it!
There is another angle to the whole thing – I think the message and medium are getting mixed… Travel is just a 'medium'… the real purpose of the blog is to entertain… Travel is just a medium, the message is ‘entertainment.’
Anyway, I have decided to experiment…
Either way, I have been doing lot of thinking… my knees are aching…
After applying a tubeful of ‘Move’ on my knees to sooth my senses and aid my thinking, here is what I have come up with –
As a company, we believe in collecting all the possible ISO certificates available out there including the ones on environment and safety… While the idea is not bad in itself, the manifestation could be funny at times. Here are some examples –
1. Notice on paper towel dispenser at the corporate block – “Pulling out towels in handful might be good fun but it does not help the environment.”
Hello!! Anyway, I take my male customers to the male toilet whenever a discussion goes out of the hands… we have a laugh and the tension eases up… anyway, why use paper towels at all? Why not use air blowers?
2. Notice in employees' hostel toilet – “Flush only when required”… Oh! I have never seen a flush in my whole life… what is this thing? Where is all that water coming from? Look at the technology man – you push a lever and all this water comes out of nowhere… Look at the way its swirling in there – is it clockwise or anti-clockwise (seriously speaking, the direction of the swirl depends on the hemisphere you are in)? Oh man, I could not sleep the whole night – I just kept flushing, flushing and flushing… it’s so much of fun… I just could not stop…
3. Notice at the stair case – “(Line 1) Do not use mobile. (Line 2) Use handrail”… I tried but Venky could not hear a thing when I spoke into the handrail! (seriously speaking, I had to really explain Vinayak what this notice actually meant!)
Not quite sure how to end this blog... Let me think... Ah! - my knees...
Anyway, here is a survey for all the lazy bums who visit the blog but do not leave any comments... Please vote...
What? Where is it? Scroll down you lazy bum!
I have been doing lot of thinking over the last one week. While there are some who feel I should write about a sea voyage (which - the sea voyage in itself - anyway I don’t think is a good idea considering my swimming skills… I think the chances of me flying if I flap my hands quick enough are higher than me being able to swim ever… as Neeraj says – I don’t swim, I ‘whale’), there are others who feel I am doing a Salim-Javed by going on and on about travel stories…
It may not be a bad idea to experiment outside the travel zone but it does throw some challenges –
- First and foremost, I will have to change the name of the blog!
- Things happen when one moves around (ask Ms Sudha Murthy)… you cant be sitting at home and expect exciting/interesting thing to happen… Well, things do happen at home and they might be interesting enough, if not gossip material, for others but it would make my life miserable because I am sure one Priti Bhaskarwar would not be too happy about it!
There is another angle to the whole thing – I think the message and medium are getting mixed… Travel is just a 'medium'… the real purpose of the blog is to entertain… Travel is just a medium, the message is ‘entertainment.’
Anyway, I have decided to experiment…
Either way, I have been doing lot of thinking… my knees are aching…
After applying a tubeful of ‘Move’ on my knees to sooth my senses and aid my thinking, here is what I have come up with –
As a company, we believe in collecting all the possible ISO certificates available out there including the ones on environment and safety… While the idea is not bad in itself, the manifestation could be funny at times. Here are some examples –
1. Notice on paper towel dispenser at the corporate block – “Pulling out towels in handful might be good fun but it does not help the environment.”
Hello!! Anyway, I take my male customers to the male toilet whenever a discussion goes out of the hands… we have a laugh and the tension eases up… anyway, why use paper towels at all? Why not use air blowers?
2. Notice in employees' hostel toilet – “Flush only when required”… Oh! I have never seen a flush in my whole life… what is this thing? Where is all that water coming from? Look at the technology man – you push a lever and all this water comes out of nowhere… Look at the way its swirling in there – is it clockwise or anti-clockwise (seriously speaking, the direction of the swirl depends on the hemisphere you are in)? Oh man, I could not sleep the whole night – I just kept flushing, flushing and flushing… it’s so much of fun… I just could not stop…
3. Notice at the stair case – “(Line 1) Do not use mobile. (Line 2) Use handrail”… I tried but Venky could not hear a thing when I spoke into the handrail! (seriously speaking, I had to really explain Vinayak what this notice actually meant!)
Not quite sure how to end this blog... Let me think... Ah! - my knees...
Anyway, here is a survey for all the lazy bums who visit the blog but do not leave any comments... Please vote...
What? Where is it? Scroll down you lazy bum!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
In God We Trust
I am agnostic. That’s only because I can’t make up my mind between atheism and godliness. Neither of the estates is convincing enough for me to be on one side or another. Its also a good hedging strategy… I can easily tumble into either of the branches – assuming one of them starts appealing me sometime later in my life. By now, you must be thinking that I don’t have anything against either of the estates… the reality is that I do get put off by rituals.
Anyway, when a believer says “In God We Trust”… the key question is “how much?” What’s the extent to which a believer should/would go for the God to do something for him/her?
This brings me to an interesting, real, Sudha Murty types story… and ahem, it’s related to travel…
Before I get started, a note for my critiques – some people are never happy… some of them could be so whimsical… after a story on air travel and one on rail travel, the assumption was that the third one would be on road and the one after that would be on sea travel. Come on guys… I am not really a traveler types traveler… I don’t travel for the sake of traveling… all my travels are need based…
Anyway, I have managed to get one on road travel which might be interesting enough (?)…
Btw, this was not to discourage you from critiquing… keep it coming… I love all the comments!
Let me get started then… this is what happened –
This was a few years back… I had gone for trekking (yes, yes, it’s true! Honestly!)… this was somewhere close to Bangalore (within 100 km)… We ended our trek in a village – I don’t remember the name of the place now… the village was (and maybe still is unless its gobbled up by one of those numerous dam projects) in sort of a valley… it was the last stop on the bus route.
It was a Sunday and there was a HUGE crowd at the bus stand… I think there was some kind of Sunday market (हाट) in the village… it was evening already and everyone was trying to take a bus out of the village… There were many buses going out of the village but all of them were jam packed… we just could not get on to any one of them…
After multiple unsuccessful attempts, we decided to do a mini version of what I tried in “Dr Ambedkar, why Nagpur?”… we walked some 1 km out of the village and decided to waive down one of the incoming buses… the first one arrived, we smiled and waived and waived but it did not stop… what the hull?! The group was of some 10-15 people and we virtually blocked the road in a bid to stop the next bus… the next one came… it slowed down… hurray – we made it… but no… the driver did not stop, he wavered on to the shoulder (whatever was available there) and went past us… we ran behind the bus – shouting… the guy just refused to stop… anyway, 2 of the studs managed to get onto the now speeding bus… the losers and the remaining stud jogged back to the bus stop. Fortunately the bus was yet to start it’s journey back and the 2 studs had managed to keep a few seats for the losers and the 3rd stud.
I (the 3rd stud – for the losers who don’t get the obvious hints!) slipped into my seat amidst all the stares of people who did get on to the bus before me but still did not have a seat… the bus was overcrowded just like all the ones before this one…
Soon the bus started the journey back… as I mentioned earlier, the village was in a valley and soon – around 2 kms out – the bus started going uphill… TATA (or Leyland) bus, overcrowded, going uphill – the expected happened… the bus stalled at one of the steep turns.
The driver tried couple of turns of the key in the hole and the engine came back to life… Many of the people shouted "गोविंदा, गोविंदा" (Govinda, Govinda). I was impressed – the bus driver seemed to be a pretty popular character… I said so to one of the losers sitting next to me… He checked with one of the “starers” and soon I was made to realize that Govinda was not the name of the driver… it wasn’t about the actor Govinda as well (who anyway must be unknown in that part of the world)… they were all praying to Lord Govinda (an avatar of Lord Vishnu) – chanting his name so that the bus does not stall again! In God We Trust!!
Well, the bus moved a couple of inches and lo and behold... it stallled again... so much for Mr Govinda.
The driver fiddled with the hole again and the engine came back to life again… the chant of Govinda, Govinda filled up the air again… the bus moved couple of inches and stalled again…
For me the most sensible thing to do was for some people to get down and may be push the bus up the sharp, steep turn, i.e., less weight and extra force… but the believers wont have any of that…
I was in a dilemma – do I get down and push the bus (and hence lose my seat) OR convert to a believer… After a minute or two of thinking I decided that a bus seat (just a bus seat, that too not so comfortable) cant be a strong enough reason for me to get converted. I got down and persuaded some more (am sure agnostics and atheists) to get down and push… all this while the tamasha of Govinda, Govinda and driver fiddling with the keys and peddle was going on…
I guess, finally, some 20% of the people got down and helped push the bus up the slope amongst the chants of Mr Govinda. I lost my seat but managed to keep my “faith!”
Cursing the idiots who took my seat, standing sandwiched between couple of other losers like me, standing towards the end of the bus, braving the lurches, it dawned upon me that there could be another way of looking at the whole thing - The chants of the believers were indeed heard by Lord Govinda (or whichever avatar was free at that point of time)… He help his followers but, of course, wanted to teach the non-believers a lesson… Ah, now all the dots were connected – why we had to push the bus and lose our seats while the people who “Trust” got a better deal…
Ladies and Gentlemen: In God We Trust!
PS – Avinash, sorry Nagpur does not figure in this story
Anyway, when a believer says “In God We Trust”… the key question is “how much?” What’s the extent to which a believer should/would go for the God to do something for him/her?
This brings me to an interesting, real, Sudha Murty types story… and ahem, it’s related to travel…
Before I get started, a note for my critiques – some people are never happy… some of them could be so whimsical… after a story on air travel and one on rail travel, the assumption was that the third one would be on road and the one after that would be on sea travel. Come on guys… I am not really a traveler types traveler… I don’t travel for the sake of traveling… all my travels are need based…
Anyway, I have managed to get one on road travel which might be interesting enough (?)…
Btw, this was not to discourage you from critiquing… keep it coming… I love all the comments!
Let me get started then… this is what happened –
This was a few years back… I had gone for trekking (yes, yes, it’s true! Honestly!)… this was somewhere close to Bangalore (within 100 km)… We ended our trek in a village – I don’t remember the name of the place now… the village was (and maybe still is unless its gobbled up by one of those numerous dam projects) in sort of a valley… it was the last stop on the bus route.
It was a Sunday and there was a HUGE crowd at the bus stand… I think there was some kind of Sunday market (हाट) in the village… it was evening already and everyone was trying to take a bus out of the village… There were many buses going out of the village but all of them were jam packed… we just could not get on to any one of them…
After multiple unsuccessful attempts, we decided to do a mini version of what I tried in “Dr Ambedkar, why Nagpur?”… we walked some 1 km out of the village and decided to waive down one of the incoming buses… the first one arrived, we smiled and waived and waived but it did not stop… what the hull?! The group was of some 10-15 people and we virtually blocked the road in a bid to stop the next bus… the next one came… it slowed down… hurray – we made it… but no… the driver did not stop, he wavered on to the shoulder (whatever was available there) and went past us… we ran behind the bus – shouting… the guy just refused to stop… anyway, 2 of the studs managed to get onto the now speeding bus… the losers and the remaining stud jogged back to the bus stop. Fortunately the bus was yet to start it’s journey back and the 2 studs had managed to keep a few seats for the losers and the 3rd stud.
I (the 3rd stud – for the losers who don’t get the obvious hints!) slipped into my seat amidst all the stares of people who did get on to the bus before me but still did not have a seat… the bus was overcrowded just like all the ones before this one…
Soon the bus started the journey back… as I mentioned earlier, the village was in a valley and soon – around 2 kms out – the bus started going uphill… TATA (or Leyland) bus, overcrowded, going uphill – the expected happened… the bus stalled at one of the steep turns.
The driver tried couple of turns of the key in the hole and the engine came back to life… Many of the people shouted "गोविंदा, गोविंदा" (Govinda, Govinda). I was impressed – the bus driver seemed to be a pretty popular character… I said so to one of the losers sitting next to me… He checked with one of the “starers” and soon I was made to realize that Govinda was not the name of the driver… it wasn’t about the actor Govinda as well (who anyway must be unknown in that part of the world)… they were all praying to Lord Govinda (an avatar of Lord Vishnu) – chanting his name so that the bus does not stall again! In God We Trust!!
Well, the bus moved a couple of inches and lo and behold... it stallled again... so much for Mr Govinda.
The driver fiddled with the hole again and the engine came back to life again… the chant of Govinda, Govinda filled up the air again… the bus moved couple of inches and stalled again…
For me the most sensible thing to do was for some people to get down and may be push the bus up the sharp, steep turn, i.e., less weight and extra force… but the believers wont have any of that…
I was in a dilemma – do I get down and push the bus (and hence lose my seat) OR convert to a believer… After a minute or two of thinking I decided that a bus seat (just a bus seat, that too not so comfortable) cant be a strong enough reason for me to get converted. I got down and persuaded some more (am sure agnostics and atheists) to get down and push… all this while the tamasha of Govinda, Govinda and driver fiddling with the keys and peddle was going on…
I guess, finally, some 20% of the people got down and helped push the bus up the slope amongst the chants of Mr Govinda. I lost my seat but managed to keep my “faith!”
Cursing the idiots who took my seat, standing sandwiched between couple of other losers like me, standing towards the end of the bus, braving the lurches, it dawned upon me that there could be another way of looking at the whole thing - The chants of the believers were indeed heard by Lord Govinda (or whichever avatar was free at that point of time)… He help his followers but, of course, wanted to teach the non-believers a lesson… Ah, now all the dots were connected – why we had to push the bus and lose our seats while the people who “Trust” got a better deal…
Ladies and Gentlemen: In God We Trust!
PS – Avinash, sorry Nagpur does not figure in this story
Friday, July 13, 2007
Dr. Ambedkar, why Nagpur?
My last posting has invited quite a few comments – some of them advising me, some criticizing. I think the overall impression most of the people have got is that I don’t know how to travel by train (may be because I wrote I was doing it after some 5-6 years). I have news for the ignorant mortals – I am a veteran of train travel. My father was in Indian Railways and hence I got more than a fair share of train travel… we used to travel even when not required to ensure that all the yearly passes were utilized. On top of that, my father was posted far away from my native place which meant long journeys. And this was not the first time when I got into trouble – I will prove soon… but there is a side story first which you must know…
You might be aware that Dr Ambedkar embraced Buddhism some time in his life. There was a big event in Nagpur where many (or most) of his followers converted to Buddhism. This happened to happen on the day of Dussera (दशहरा ). And going by the glorious Indian tradition, the event is celebrated every year on Dussera at Nagpur… which essentially means millions of people thronging to Nagpur for God know what… and throwing the normal life completely out of gear… and yes, you guessed it right, including the train services…
So much so for the "side story"… incidentally, as it happens, my father planned for my grandparents’ pilgrimage to Dwaraka… and as it happens we were supposed to leave – you got it right – on the day of Dussera. Now, I am not really a pilgrimage type of a person (do I look like one?) but this was a few hundred years back when I was gawky teenager and did not have a voice of my own (I was not born in the United States, was I?) and had no option but to tag my parents for their parents’ pilgrimage (thinking about it, everything apart from 'teenager' remains!)
The train that we were supposed to take comes from Howrah… we were supposed to board at Wardha which is AFTER Nagpur on the train’s route… We realized beforehand that this was going to be trouble – the train would get jam-packed at Nagpur… we discussed various options including dropping the trip but the good son that my father is (you see, its all in the genes - this ‘good son’ thing runs in the family), he was determined… So, we decided to board the train BEFORE Nagpur to pre-empt jam-packing… which also meant that the 12 hours journey became some 24+ hours journey…
We took the morning passenger train to Kamptee, a station few kilometers ahead of Nagpur… there were a few hours left for our train to arrive… I took my father’s permission to go and watch a movie in a nearby theatre… The theatre was infested with some kind of bugs which kept biting but in those days wataching a Hindi movie was the greatest thing I could wish for... the bugs were ignorable in the larger scheme of things... soon the movie started and I went into a trance... I was in deep trance watching the movie when the hero shouted at the villain “Uday… …”… I was a little shaken – was I day dreaming? The villain’s name wasn’t Uday till now!! The hero shouted again “Uday… …” … The voice sounded a little different this time… I was out of the trance by now - It was my father’s voice!
There must be something wrong… I rushed out… My father was indeed looking for me.
As it happens, Murphy’s law had kicked in… the daunting task of coming all the way to Kamptee was useless… why?? Because we came to know that, though the train comes from Howrah, our coach gets connected to the train at Nagpur only…
Did we give up? No…
We took an earlier train to Nagpur… The idea was this – Go to the yard and get into the coach there itself… Now that’s not an easy task but then what’s the use being a railways employee, eh?
So, the 3 generations reached Nagpur and went to the yard… guess what? Dr Ambedkar’s followers had beaten us to the yard – the coach was already jam-packed with layers of creatures who I guess must have been human beings before they were all packed into the coach like boxes… we did not dare enter…
So, did we give up? No…
We marched to the railway station… being the good son he is, my father bought (yes, bought… he had to, though he was a railways employee) tickets for 2-AC which was somehow untouched by the followers… That was my first ride in 2-AC…
At the end of it all, the only thing I could think of was “Dr Ambedkar, why Nagpur?”
I take care not to be in the 100km radius of Nagpur during Dussera but it does not matter much… my trips are jinxed anyway…
and my dear friend Manas, I don’t think I am ever going to get used to of train journeys (read misfortune)
You might be aware that Dr Ambedkar embraced Buddhism some time in his life. There was a big event in Nagpur where many (or most) of his followers converted to Buddhism. This happened to happen on the day of Dussera (दशहरा ). And going by the glorious Indian tradition, the event is celebrated every year on Dussera at Nagpur… which essentially means millions of people thronging to Nagpur for God know what… and throwing the normal life completely out of gear… and yes, you guessed it right, including the train services…
So much so for the "side story"… incidentally, as it happens, my father planned for my grandparents’ pilgrimage to Dwaraka… and as it happens we were supposed to leave – you got it right – on the day of Dussera. Now, I am not really a pilgrimage type of a person (do I look like one?) but this was a few hundred years back when I was gawky teenager and did not have a voice of my own (I was not born in the United States, was I?) and had no option but to tag my parents for their parents’ pilgrimage (thinking about it, everything apart from 'teenager' remains!)
The train that we were supposed to take comes from Howrah… we were supposed to board at Wardha which is AFTER Nagpur on the train’s route… We realized beforehand that this was going to be trouble – the train would get jam-packed at Nagpur… we discussed various options including dropping the trip but the good son that my father is (you see, its all in the genes - this ‘good son’ thing runs in the family), he was determined… So, we decided to board the train BEFORE Nagpur to pre-empt jam-packing… which also meant that the 12 hours journey became some 24+ hours journey…
We took the morning passenger train to Kamptee, a station few kilometers ahead of Nagpur… there were a few hours left for our train to arrive… I took my father’s permission to go and watch a movie in a nearby theatre… The theatre was infested with some kind of bugs which kept biting but in those days wataching a Hindi movie was the greatest thing I could wish for... the bugs were ignorable in the larger scheme of things... soon the movie started and I went into a trance... I was in deep trance watching the movie when the hero shouted at the villain “Uday… …”… I was a little shaken – was I day dreaming? The villain’s name wasn’t Uday till now!! The hero shouted again “Uday… …” … The voice sounded a little different this time… I was out of the trance by now - It was my father’s voice!
There must be something wrong… I rushed out… My father was indeed looking for me.
As it happens, Murphy’s law had kicked in… the daunting task of coming all the way to Kamptee was useless… why?? Because we came to know that, though the train comes from Howrah, our coach gets connected to the train at Nagpur only…
Did we give up? No…
We took an earlier train to Nagpur… The idea was this – Go to the yard and get into the coach there itself… Now that’s not an easy task but then what’s the use being a railways employee, eh?
So, the 3 generations reached Nagpur and went to the yard… guess what? Dr Ambedkar’s followers had beaten us to the yard – the coach was already jam-packed with layers of creatures who I guess must have been human beings before they were all packed into the coach like boxes… we did not dare enter…
So, did we give up? No…
We marched to the railway station… being the good son he is, my father bought (yes, bought… he had to, though he was a railways employee) tickets for 2-AC which was somehow untouched by the followers… That was my first ride in 2-AC…
At the end of it all, the only thing I could think of was “Dr Ambedkar, why Nagpur?”
I take care not to be in the 100km radius of Nagpur during Dussera but it does not matter much… my trips are jinxed anyway…
and my dear friend Manas, I don’t think I am ever going to get used to of train journeys (read misfortune)
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Destiny's Child
Have you read Sudha Murty? Her books are generally compendium of short, real stories that bring out different aspect of human behavior… very educative, full of moral stuff. You would wonder how come so many fundu things happen to her. In fact in one of her books, she does mention people asking her this question. It seems she travels a lot and she observes. I travel a lot. I observe. But only weird and funny things seem to happen to me all the time. I think it’s all about destiny. Some are destined for philosophical stuff and some lesser beings like me are destined for funny/weird stuff (well, some of you might argue that it’s not about observing… its about the way you observe and may be you are right but let me just blame it on destiny – it’s sexier that way).
This posting is kind of prequel of my previous one. The last one was about Nagpur to Pune. This one is about Pune to Nagpur around four days before the memorable Indigo flight. I am not trying to do a Star Wars here, I just happen to write it in the reverse order.
This is how it happened –
It was one of those gray Monsoon evenings. We reached the railway station around 30 minutes before the train departure time. It must have been at least 5-6 years since I had boarded a train. The train was not yet on the platform. It was raining, it was humid, hot and the platform was crowded and dirty. My daughter started cribbing about the dirty platform. I was just hoping that she does not look down the tracks.
I guess the railway tracks at a railway station are the dirtiest place in the world. What is it about it? Looks like people find pleasure relieving themselves at a railway station or is it that people find it easier to shoot the target when the train is stationary? Who says Indian trains are not fast enough? May be they are not… but they do sway a lot while moving!
In order to kill the time, I decided to go and check the reservation board… it was all chaos there… the pages were all torn, some were lying on the platform, wet… someone was nice enough to make a ball of fallen papers and keep it on top of the board! Anyway, I could find the relevant chart but I was least worried… after all, I had done the reservation from internet…
Anyway, the train that was supposed to leave Pune at 5:30PM was not there even at 6:00PM. Our porter came and said he had to leave as it was 6:00PM already. I thought the work-life balance was an issue in the IT industry only… anyway, he was quick to explain that his shift was over and they are not allowed to work beyond a given time… he was nice enough not to take the full money and also got us another porter…
The new porter said that we will have to wait for a while once the train arrives because he had another passenger to take care of… I did not think of it as an issue since Pune is the first station of this train and generally it takes at least 30 minutes for the train to leave…
Indian railways have improved a lot… they have small displays on the platform which tell you the location of each coach… it’s just that when the train finally arrived, every coach was shifted by 2 – I could feel the whole mass of some 1000 people moving in one direction… Standing there was like swimming against a strong current…
Anyway, my porter came after 5 minutes and we got onto the train. I was very happy that we had birth numbers 33, 34 & 35 which was equidistant from both the toilets. I had 1 wife, 2 small kids and 3 big bags… I don’t know what kick Priti gets carrying stones from Pune to wherever we go… she claims there is useful stuff inside and not stones but I don’t believe her… Also, I realized that the space under the seats has shrunk over the years (or was it our bags?)… We had to literally kick and shove the bags inside… Anyway, now, I was not too worried about not bringing the chain and lock… who would touch these bags?
Some 5 minutes after we settled down, 2 people came and asked me my seat number… then they showed a ticket for seat number 33 & 34. Priti said she did not see our names on the chart while boarding… someone said they have another 3 Tier AC coach and may be we are sitting in the wrong one… It was almost 25-30 minutes since the train had arrived – about time to leave… I got down quickly and checked the other coach – I could not find my name… suddenly I realized and shouted ‘जय Lalu’. I was upgraded to 2-AC… I jogged towards 2-AC with stars in my eyes but they quickly turned into dirty specks… the names were missing there as well… I quickly took out the print out of my “internet” reservation and checked again… My eyes popped… my jaw dropped and hit the platform very hard… I had a reservation for August 26th rather than June 26th… Damn it…
Being equidistant from both the toilets became a curse… The train was about to leave… Fortunately, I found a porter… somehow pulled out the “well stuck” bags, got through the sea of people and luggage in the corridor and got down from the train…
I know what you guys are thinking… this guy cant even book a simple ticket on net… But excuse me, I would like to blame it on the bloody IRCTC web-site… I book all my personal travel on internet and have never made this kind of mistake before or after… the web-site really sucks… all those who have tried using this web-site would empathize with me… ‘जय Lalu’ quickly became ‘हाय Lalu’….
Anyway, I found a TTE and asked him if I could get a berth… he said we should have tickets before boarding the train… The train was on platform 3 and there was no point going all the way to platform 1 and getting the tickets… then someone said another train (which also goes to Nagpur) was on platform 1 (incidentally, that train was also about to leave)… One confident looking porter, a sheepish looking pair, 2 smalls kids and 3 big bags ran to platform 1… As usual, Murphy’s law kicked in… we had to cover the whole length of the platform twice because of the way they had placed the coaches…
Met the TTE of the other train… He was nice enough to tell us that we could board the train if we were willing to pay the fine for boarding without ticket… I loudly cursed the other TTE… Anyway, this guy offered us seats in 2-AC and quickly calculated the damage… we quickly peeked into our wallets – luckily we had enough money… Then the TTE said we should get onto 3-Tier sleeper… I thought he was playing around and asked the porter to get a taxi… the TTE relented and allowed us to board 2-AC directly…
The whole ritual of boarding the train and shoving the bags under the seats was repeated. The porter took a fat sum from me because there was no time to negotiate earlier… He argued that it was still less than the taxi bill we would have incurred… Wow!
The train left after a while and we took a sigh of relief. The TTE entered after a while and my jaw hit the floor for the 2nd time that evening… this was some other guy… He said – “Ticket please” and I mumbled something… anyway, he was briefed by the other guy…
He prepared a ticket, including fine etc, for Rs 4,987. He said we would get only 2 berths and not 3. I gave him Rs 5,000 and waited. He opened his wallet, I waited. He put the 10 crisp 500 rupee notes in his wallet, I waited. He looked into his wallet, I waited. Then he looked up – I put my hand in my wallet but still waited… Then he said – “Can you give me 2 rupees? I need to return you 13 but I have a 10er and a fiver”… My jaw hit the floor for the 3rd time that evening…
He left… I was half expecting him to come back and ask for money for the favor done to me… He did came back… Well after we had all fallen asleep (we did manage on 2 berths)… Smart move, isn’t it?
He woke me up and said – “Sir, your third berth is ready”…
Before, you guys feel I am also sounding like Sudha Murty…
I was telling this story to my relative and friend Rajesh. His theory was that this guy must have been "पहुची हुई चीज़" … He was sure that the TTE had printed fake receipts and must have pocketed all the 5000 rupees… I don’t agree with Rajesh.
I was thinking I should have taken a flight… but that was before I returned on the Indigo flight!
Anyway, I plan to frame the ticket and proudly display it… It says PWT – “Passenger Without Ticket”
This posting is kind of prequel of my previous one. The last one was about Nagpur to Pune. This one is about Pune to Nagpur around four days before the memorable Indigo flight. I am not trying to do a Star Wars here, I just happen to write it in the reverse order.
This is how it happened –
It was one of those gray Monsoon evenings. We reached the railway station around 30 minutes before the train departure time. It must have been at least 5-6 years since I had boarded a train. The train was not yet on the platform. It was raining, it was humid, hot and the platform was crowded and dirty. My daughter started cribbing about the dirty platform. I was just hoping that she does not look down the tracks.
I guess the railway tracks at a railway station are the dirtiest place in the world. What is it about it? Looks like people find pleasure relieving themselves at a railway station or is it that people find it easier to shoot the target when the train is stationary? Who says Indian trains are not fast enough? May be they are not… but they do sway a lot while moving!
In order to kill the time, I decided to go and check the reservation board… it was all chaos there… the pages were all torn, some were lying on the platform, wet… someone was nice enough to make a ball of fallen papers and keep it on top of the board! Anyway, I could find the relevant chart but I was least worried… after all, I had done the reservation from internet…
Anyway, the train that was supposed to leave Pune at 5:30PM was not there even at 6:00PM. Our porter came and said he had to leave as it was 6:00PM already. I thought the work-life balance was an issue in the IT industry only… anyway, he was quick to explain that his shift was over and they are not allowed to work beyond a given time… he was nice enough not to take the full money and also got us another porter…
The new porter said that we will have to wait for a while once the train arrives because he had another passenger to take care of… I did not think of it as an issue since Pune is the first station of this train and generally it takes at least 30 minutes for the train to leave…
Indian railways have improved a lot… they have small displays on the platform which tell you the location of each coach… it’s just that when the train finally arrived, every coach was shifted by 2 – I could feel the whole mass of some 1000 people moving in one direction… Standing there was like swimming against a strong current…
Anyway, my porter came after 5 minutes and we got onto the train. I was very happy that we had birth numbers 33, 34 & 35 which was equidistant from both the toilets. I had 1 wife, 2 small kids and 3 big bags… I don’t know what kick Priti gets carrying stones from Pune to wherever we go… she claims there is useful stuff inside and not stones but I don’t believe her… Also, I realized that the space under the seats has shrunk over the years (or was it our bags?)… We had to literally kick and shove the bags inside… Anyway, now, I was not too worried about not bringing the chain and lock… who would touch these bags?
Some 5 minutes after we settled down, 2 people came and asked me my seat number… then they showed a ticket for seat number 33 & 34. Priti said she did not see our names on the chart while boarding… someone said they have another 3 Tier AC coach and may be we are sitting in the wrong one… It was almost 25-30 minutes since the train had arrived – about time to leave… I got down quickly and checked the other coach – I could not find my name… suddenly I realized and shouted ‘जय Lalu’. I was upgraded to 2-AC… I jogged towards 2-AC with stars in my eyes but they quickly turned into dirty specks… the names were missing there as well… I quickly took out the print out of my “internet” reservation and checked again… My eyes popped… my jaw dropped and hit the platform very hard… I had a reservation for August 26th rather than June 26th… Damn it…
Being equidistant from both the toilets became a curse… The train was about to leave… Fortunately, I found a porter… somehow pulled out the “well stuck” bags, got through the sea of people and luggage in the corridor and got down from the train…
I know what you guys are thinking… this guy cant even book a simple ticket on net… But excuse me, I would like to blame it on the bloody IRCTC web-site… I book all my personal travel on internet and have never made this kind of mistake before or after… the web-site really sucks… all those who have tried using this web-site would empathize with me… ‘जय Lalu’ quickly became ‘हाय Lalu’….
Anyway, I found a TTE and asked him if I could get a berth… he said we should have tickets before boarding the train… The train was on platform 3 and there was no point going all the way to platform 1 and getting the tickets… then someone said another train (which also goes to Nagpur) was on platform 1 (incidentally, that train was also about to leave)… One confident looking porter, a sheepish looking pair, 2 smalls kids and 3 big bags ran to platform 1… As usual, Murphy’s law kicked in… we had to cover the whole length of the platform twice because of the way they had placed the coaches…
Met the TTE of the other train… He was nice enough to tell us that we could board the train if we were willing to pay the fine for boarding without ticket… I loudly cursed the other TTE… Anyway, this guy offered us seats in 2-AC and quickly calculated the damage… we quickly peeked into our wallets – luckily we had enough money… Then the TTE said we should get onto 3-Tier sleeper… I thought he was playing around and asked the porter to get a taxi… the TTE relented and allowed us to board 2-AC directly…
The whole ritual of boarding the train and shoving the bags under the seats was repeated. The porter took a fat sum from me because there was no time to negotiate earlier… He argued that it was still less than the taxi bill we would have incurred… Wow!
The train left after a while and we took a sigh of relief. The TTE entered after a while and my jaw hit the floor for the 2nd time that evening… this was some other guy… He said – “Ticket please” and I mumbled something… anyway, he was briefed by the other guy…
He prepared a ticket, including fine etc, for Rs 4,987. He said we would get only 2 berths and not 3. I gave him Rs 5,000 and waited. He opened his wallet, I waited. He put the 10 crisp 500 rupee notes in his wallet, I waited. He looked into his wallet, I waited. Then he looked up – I put my hand in my wallet but still waited… Then he said – “Can you give me 2 rupees? I need to return you 13 but I have a 10er and a fiver”… My jaw hit the floor for the 3rd time that evening…
He left… I was half expecting him to come back and ask for money for the favor done to me… He did came back… Well after we had all fallen asleep (we did manage on 2 berths)… Smart move, isn’t it?
He woke me up and said – “Sir, your third berth is ready”…
Before, you guys feel I am also sounding like Sudha Murty…
I was telling this story to my relative and friend Rajesh. His theory was that this guy must have been "पहुची हुई चीज़" … He was sure that the TTE had printed fake receipts and must have pocketed all the 5000 rupees… I don’t agree with Rajesh.
I was thinking I should have taken a flight… but that was before I returned on the Indigo flight!
Anyway, I plan to frame the ticket and proudly display it… It says PWT – “Passenger Without Ticket”
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Global Warming
They said Rita and Katrina were so furious because of the global warming. My first reaction was that women don’t need so much of a reason to get furious… why blame it on global warming if Rita and Katrina were angry… I was told by a sensible person that these are actually storms which hit the central America/Caribbean region every year… I dug in further and realized that alternate systems are named male/female respectively… My question is – why take the risk??
Anyway, the global warming is effecting the weather all over the world, they say. We have just entered July and Pune has already received 70% of the normal Monsoon rains. The fact is that the definition of normal needs to be changed. The weather in general has changed so much since 2005 that normal is much more than the normal.
Well, there must be a reason why suddenly I have become so worried about larger issues like global warming and writing about the same… there indeed is! It’s because I felt the brunt of global warming yesterday…
Here is what happened –
I took a flight from Nagpur to Pune. It’s the new Indigo flight… Indigo is a budget airline and they refused to provide everything including newspaper, ear plugs and even the infant belt! As it happens, my daughter got hungry and I ended up buying the most expensive sandwich ever… I always wonder why we feel like eating and drinking in a one hr flight, irrespective of the time of the day…
Fortunately (well, I thought I was at that time!), the flight took off on time – 11:10AM and was going to land ahead of time – 12:25PM. About 30 seconds before landing, the pilot aborted the landing and shot up in the sky… people were looking at each other… After 5 minutes, captain informed that there was a stray dog on the tarmac and hence he had to abort at the last moment!!!
We came back after 15 mts… about to land… and the plane shot up again… people were scared now… my daughter started crying… the plane started jumping up and down… some people started puking… after 5 minutes, captain informed us that he had to abort landing because of bad weather and now we were going to Mumbai! I wondered if he really knows how to land… may be he only knows how to take off! May be we got .NET resource instead of J2EE because of resource crunch (quote thanks to my friend Vinayak)!
We reach Mumbai and the .NET resource proved that he could land. The weather was still bad in Pune and we had to wait in Mumbai for hours. They would not let us out of the plane due to ‘security issues’ – guys, I learnt that all Puneiites become dangerous criminals once they reach Mumbai or was it a tact by Indigo to save some money. It was well past 2pm and some people were hungry… unbelievably, they were charged by the airline for the shady food…
After a while, the captain says his flying hours are over… we wait for the new crew to arrive… May be they finally found the J2EE resource!
People turned angry and started fighting with the crew… they finally got some food for passengers and started distributing at around 4pm… as it happens, the Murphy’s law kicked in - the Captain announced that he is taking off and the attendants stopped the food distribution… it’s a minor detail that the flight did not take off for another 30 minutes… was this another ploy by the budget airline to save some money?
Well finally we take off and reach Pune but the weather was bad… the Spicejet plane (yes, there were more like us!) had already tried landing for the 3rd time without success… Captain informed us that we had fuel to be airborne for another 1 hr (I concluded that we would crash land after that!)… anyway, we landed at 5pm…
The luggage came all soaked and I realized they had tied the luggage on top (just like in a bus) because the cargo space was full… I got a taxi which was the last one available (and I felt fortunate for the 2nd time in the day… was I?)…
We hopped in to the taxi at 5:30pm and reached home at 8:15 pm… thanks to all the water logging, traffic jams, lost ways, wrong route decisions and a taxi driver (another first in my life) who refused to drive above 30 kmph… once I urged him to drive faster and he snapped back asking if I would pay if he hits someone!
The only bright spot was that the taxiwallah did not ask for a single paisa extra though he took a detour of 15-20 kms and had to drive for close to 3 hrs…
Having gone through this with 2 small kids, now you can imagine why I am worried about the global warming suddenly!
The journey from Pune to Nagpur was equally interesting but I will save it for some other time because that one can’t be blamed on global warming… technology is to be blamed in that case! The only thing you need to know right now is that my ticket says – “PWT” – which means “passenger without ticket”!
Btw, are dogs (or rather bitches) breeding more because of global warming? The whole trouble started because of the bloody dog on the tarmac else I would have been home by 2pm.
Parting note – Stock yourself well if and when you take a low budget airline… you never know!
Anyway, the global warming is effecting the weather all over the world, they say. We have just entered July and Pune has already received 70% of the normal Monsoon rains. The fact is that the definition of normal needs to be changed. The weather in general has changed so much since 2005 that normal is much more than the normal.
Well, there must be a reason why suddenly I have become so worried about larger issues like global warming and writing about the same… there indeed is! It’s because I felt the brunt of global warming yesterday…
Here is what happened –
I took a flight from Nagpur to Pune. It’s the new Indigo flight… Indigo is a budget airline and they refused to provide everything including newspaper, ear plugs and even the infant belt! As it happens, my daughter got hungry and I ended up buying the most expensive sandwich ever… I always wonder why we feel like eating and drinking in a one hr flight, irrespective of the time of the day…
Fortunately (well, I thought I was at that time!), the flight took off on time – 11:10AM and was going to land ahead of time – 12:25PM. About 30 seconds before landing, the pilot aborted the landing and shot up in the sky… people were looking at each other… After 5 minutes, captain informed that there was a stray dog on the tarmac and hence he had to abort at the last moment!!!
We came back after 15 mts… about to land… and the plane shot up again… people were scared now… my daughter started crying… the plane started jumping up and down… some people started puking… after 5 minutes, captain informed us that he had to abort landing because of bad weather and now we were going to Mumbai! I wondered if he really knows how to land… may be he only knows how to take off! May be we got .NET resource instead of J2EE because of resource crunch (quote thanks to my friend Vinayak)!
We reach Mumbai and the .NET resource proved that he could land. The weather was still bad in Pune and we had to wait in Mumbai for hours. They would not let us out of the plane due to ‘security issues’ – guys, I learnt that all Puneiites become dangerous criminals once they reach Mumbai or was it a tact by Indigo to save some money. It was well past 2pm and some people were hungry… unbelievably, they were charged by the airline for the shady food…
After a while, the captain says his flying hours are over… we wait for the new crew to arrive… May be they finally found the J2EE resource!
People turned angry and started fighting with the crew… they finally got some food for passengers and started distributing at around 4pm… as it happens, the Murphy’s law kicked in - the Captain announced that he is taking off and the attendants stopped the food distribution… it’s a minor detail that the flight did not take off for another 30 minutes… was this another ploy by the budget airline to save some money?
Well finally we take off and reach Pune but the weather was bad… the Spicejet plane (yes, there were more like us!) had already tried landing for the 3rd time without success… Captain informed us that we had fuel to be airborne for another 1 hr (I concluded that we would crash land after that!)… anyway, we landed at 5pm…
The luggage came all soaked and I realized they had tied the luggage on top (just like in a bus) because the cargo space was full… I got a taxi which was the last one available (and I felt fortunate for the 2nd time in the day… was I?)…
We hopped in to the taxi at 5:30pm and reached home at 8:15 pm… thanks to all the water logging, traffic jams, lost ways, wrong route decisions and a taxi driver (another first in my life) who refused to drive above 30 kmph… once I urged him to drive faster and he snapped back asking if I would pay if he hits someone!
The only bright spot was that the taxiwallah did not ask for a single paisa extra though he took a detour of 15-20 kms and had to drive for close to 3 hrs…
Having gone through this with 2 small kids, now you can imagine why I am worried about the global warming suddenly!
The journey from Pune to Nagpur was equally interesting but I will save it for some other time because that one can’t be blamed on global warming… technology is to be blamed in that case! The only thing you need to know right now is that my ticket says – “PWT” – which means “passenger without ticket”!
Btw, are dogs (or rather bitches) breeding more because of global warming? The whole trouble started because of the bloody dog on the tarmac else I would have been home by 2pm.
Parting note – Stock yourself well if and when you take a low budget airline… you never know!
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